Knives Out

"The California governor's office put out a tweet on Saturday advising that restaurant-goers keep their masks on while dining. 'Going out to eat with members of your household this weekend?' the tweet reads. 'Don't forget to keep your mask on in between bites. Do your part to keep those around you healthy.'"

(CBS News, October 6, 2020)

"It was nothing, really," said William "Winky" Smith of Sacramento. "I was just happy to do my part to keep the nation healthy."

"We were having a lovely dinner," said his wife Angela. "Our steaks were served just the way we like them. Then, well, Bill read the governor's latest word on mask wearing." She touched the scar on her chin. "It sort of went downhill from there."

"But we were glad to cooperate."  Mr Smith adjusted his eye patch, a smart little number bearing the Morrie's Steakhouse logo. "And can you believe they gave me this for free? I feel like an ambassador now! Seriously, the patch gets a lot of attention."

"Yeah, Mrs. Smith went for the Scarface effect," said Frank Cisco, headwaiter at Morrie's and part-time EMT.  "She was lucky- a lot of our patrons have walked out of here with  the Jack Nicholson look. Did you see the movie 'Chinatown?' Great picture."

Has Morrie's even considered removing their trademark steak knives from the dining tables, we asked?

Mr.Cisco gave us a look that can only be described as scornful. "Sure," he said finally. "The minute we go into the oatmeal business, we'll do that."