Meanwhile, In Virtue-Signalling -- Uh, I Mean Sports

Six teams that remained in the locker room before last Sunday's games, and Desperate Sports decided to find out why. Of the six teams to whom Desperate reached out on Monday, five responded.

"Did you see our record for last season?" said Brian Fores, head coach of the Miami Dolphins.  "5 wins, 11 losses. Damn right we stayed in the locker room during the pre-game stuff. Bad enough we had to go out there at all."

Doug Marron, head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars, had a similar reaction.  "Six wins, ten losses last season," he grumbled. "And one of those losses was to the Dolphins.  The Dolphins," he repeated. "Of course we stayed in the locker room. We were hoping for a tornado or something,"  he said, adding under his breath, "Stupid blow-holers."

Other teams had other excuses reasons for staying indoors as long as possible. The Philadelphia Eagles' Rudy Ford became too worked up to appear while watching a cooking show.  "You call that a remoulade, man?" he reportedly screamed at the screen.  "My a-- that's a remoulade!" His teammates were finally able to calm him down with the gift of a new Air-Fryer. "Onion rings without the oil!  All riiiight!"

Meanwhile in New York, Jets quarterback Joe Flacco was continuing his intensive study of old Joe Namath ads. 'The pairing of Broadway Joe with  Farrah Fawcett was a stroke of casting genius," he said. "I would have let that lady cream my face any day."

And in Minneapolis, the Green Bay Packers were forced to remain in the locker room until quarterback Aaron Rodgers finished waxing his mustache.

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