Knives Out at Deloitte.. No Really, They Are.

Harvard grad Claira Janover says she’s lost Deloitte job over TikTok ‘stab threat’

By Lee Brown and Aaron Fe, New York Post.
"The Harvard graduate who said in a TikTok video that she would “stab” anyone who told her “All Lives Matter” revealed in a new pair of recordings that she has lost her job over the perceived threats and ensuing furor...Janover’s LinkedIn account lists her as an “incoming government and public business service analyst” at Deloitte, a UK-based accounting firm.."

Director
Office of Personnel
Deloitte, Inc.

Dear Ms. Janover.

We have reviewed your Tik-Tok video in which you threatened to stab anyone who said "all lives matter."

After careful consideration, we have regretfully decided to withdraw our offer of employment.

It's that whole "stabbing" thing, sweetie.  Frankly, life at Deloitte gives everyone all kinds of reasons to... well, you know.  The market is crazy, the customers are a pain in the ass, and don't even talk to us about the Board of Directors. Trust us, you'd find plenty of people you wanted to stab.

We understand that you are young and inexperienced, and only recently released from the world of the Failed Academy, where actions and consequences don't always match up. But here in the real world, we have to think about all kinds of consequences.

Carpets, for example.  Do you have any idea how much we shell out in carpet maintenance every year? The last thing we need is some junior analyst bleeding out all over the reception area.

And call us old-fashioned, but sometimes we still get snail mail. Obviously we'd have to take away your letter opener.  We imagine you'd complain about that, too.

We would have to keep you away from the actuary department. After all it's their job to figure out how much any given life is worth.  You would hate those guys.

Worst of all, we would have to ban you from the company cafeteria.  The food there has sent stronger people than you over the edge. Now, you wouldn't want to be seen carrying a brown paper lunchbag on the subway, would you? Of course not. So uncool.

We note that, in light of your loss of this job, you have set up one of those give-me-money pages on the internet.  That's the spirit, kid! Having people hand you cash for doing nothing seems right up your alley.

We wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors. May we make a suggestion? Why not print tee shirts that say "Unemployed Lives Matter"?  We bet you could sell a zillion of those to your friends.

Assuming, of course, their GoFundMe pages are in working order. You'd have to charge them for the tees, right?

Sincerely,

Deloitte Man

(oops!  I meant "Deloitte Person!")