Grab Your Pitchforks! Also Your Bug Zappers!
Emory, Virginia
"Emory & Henry College in Emory, Virginia, announced this week that it is reevaluating its “wasp” mascot over concerns that it does not support the university’s promotion of “diversity and inclusion.” The mascot was allegedly deemed offensive by some over its loose relationship with the term “WASP,” or white anglo-saxon protestant." (Breitbart,)
Dear Faculty, Students and Alumni,
As you may have heard, our longtime mascot, The Wasp, has come under fire for not being inclusive enough. After a thorough review of the issue, I have come to the conclusion that 'Buzzy' is not, in fact, inclusive enough, and we are carefully considering what to do next.'
"Thank you,
Office of Communications
Emory& Henry College "
Dear Emory & Henry College,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your letter! My colleagues and I have long wanted to see the last of that arrogant little bug for a long time. 'Oh look at me, all the humans are afraid of me!' Big fat hairy deal, you annoying little jerk. Has anyone every wanted to be a 'wasp on the wall?' No. Did you ever see a copy of "Lord of the Wasps?" Of course not. And don't get us started on movies. There will never be a "Superwasp" and you know it.
We have several suggestions for a new mascot. What about The Superfly? Think of all the Curtis Mayfield music you could play at halftime! And consider the merch opportunities. How about big foam flyswatters for sale at the stadium? You could even rename the student newspaper-"The Flypaper," anyone? And we know your college is famous for its Equestrian Center. You could be the Horseflies!
These are just a few suggestions. We have many more. Just ask and we'll come buzzing around. But make it quick, our lifespan is only 28 days.
In the meantime, good on ya for getting rid of the Wasp. Enlightenment is a wonderful thing, no?
Sincerely,
Buzz Berkeley
Communications Officer
Flies For Justice
"Emory & Henry College in Emory, Virginia, announced this week that it is reevaluating its “wasp” mascot over concerns that it does not support the university’s promotion of “diversity and inclusion.” The mascot was allegedly deemed offensive by some over its loose relationship with the term “WASP,” or white anglo-saxon protestant." (Breitbart,)
Dear Faculty, Students and Alumni,
As you may have heard, our longtime mascot, The Wasp, has come under fire for not being inclusive enough. After a thorough review of the issue, I have come to the conclusion that 'Buzzy' is not, in fact, inclusive enough, and we are carefully considering what to do next.'
"Thank you,
Office of Communications
Emory& Henry College "
Dear Emory & Henry College,
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your letter! My colleagues and I have long wanted to see the last of that arrogant little bug for a long time. 'Oh look at me, all the humans are afraid of me!' Big fat hairy deal, you annoying little jerk. Has anyone every wanted to be a 'wasp on the wall?' No. Did you ever see a copy of "Lord of the Wasps?" Of course not. And don't get us started on movies. There will never be a "Superwasp" and you know it.
We have several suggestions for a new mascot. What about The Superfly? Think of all the Curtis Mayfield music you could play at halftime! And consider the merch opportunities. How about big foam flyswatters for sale at the stadium? You could even rename the student newspaper-"The Flypaper," anyone? And we know your college is famous for its Equestrian Center. You could be the Horseflies!
These are just a few suggestions. We have many more. Just ask and we'll come buzzing around. But make it quick, our lifespan is only 28 days.
In the meantime, good on ya for getting rid of the Wasp. Enlightenment is a wonderful thing, no?
Sincerely,
Buzz Berkeley
Communications Officer
Flies For Justice
This... is not a parody?
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