Kamala, The Gift That Keeps On Giving

 

Confused Kamala Harris Warns Of West Virginia’s ‘Abandoned Land Mines’

February 1, 2021 By Jayme Metzgar

Last week, Vice President Kamala Harris gave an exclusive interview to a local television news station in West Virginia.

In the interview, Harris was asked about the state’s coal industry. She reassured West Virginia coal miners that even if their jobs disappear under the Biden administration — and the implication was clear that they would disappear — mine workers could transfer their skills to new industries. She then listed several exciting new careers coal miners could consider. The first of these was, and I quote: “reclaiming abandoned land mines.”

According to Politico, she meant to say “abandoned mine lands,” not “abandoned land mines.” Well, okay. We all make mistakes. It’s just that someone familiar with mining terminology, or military terminology — and, you know, a lot of West Virginians are familiar with both — would probably not make that particular mistake.

This matters because of the reason Vice President Harris was on television in West Virginia to begin with."

-The Federalist, Feb. 1.2021 

Unemployed coal miners are flocking to firms that will hire them to hunt for abandoned land mines in their home state.

"I don't know what took everybody so long,"  said Harrison "Boom Boom" Bunter of Beckley. "Landmine hunting is a great career. Thanks to land-mining, this lifelong southpaw is now completely right-handed. Necessity is the mother of invention, or something. Right?"

Walter Horn of Huntington agreed. "There are lots of advantages to mine-hunting," he said. "For one thing, you develop a heck of a sense for little things.  Ticking, for example. I can hear a clock ticking from fifty paces. Oh, and I've really improved my time on the 50-yard dash. Great way to keep in shape!"

James "Sky High" Retton of Point Pleasant credits landmine hunting with showing him the way to his new career. "I've never flown in an airplane," he said. "I know, hard to believe, right? But after just a few months of mine-hunting, suddenly I had the opportunity to see the majestic Ohio River from a vantage point I never dreamed I'd have. It was so inspiring! Now I paint pictures of the Ohio and sell them at craft fairs. I admit there's not a ton of money in it, but it's so relaxing. And my doctor says I need to learn how to relax again, so- win-win!"

Anyone interested in building a new career as a mine-hunter should contact Vice President Kamala Harris at 202-456-6213.