Deep Freeze!

So yesterday we had a wind chill of 33 below zero. 

I know what you're thinking: Desperate, how to you keep your sunny personality alive at times like these?

I'm glad you asked. Here are a few of Desperate's "Top Tips to Avoid Dying in a Frozen Wasteland."

1. Stay inside. Yesterday- I kid you not-  a couple walked by my home pushing their baby in a plastic-covered stroller.  Now for all I know they were a nice Inuit family visiting friends in my neighborhood, but still. I'd be worried my kid would have flashbacks. "And then I saw  white! Just white, everywhere!" Parents, before you treat your young children to a fun day in the tundra, remember one thing: psychotherapy costs a bundle.

2. Make sure you do your shopping for cold-weather essentials before the freeze hits. With modern weather technology you almost always have a few days' advance notice.

3. Those cold-weather essentials include milk, eggs, M&Ms, at least one case of good wine, vodka in several flavors, Oreos and salt-and-vinegar kettle chips. In fact forget "include," those are the essentials. Stock up.

4. For my fellow Catholics, it's time to give your parish's video mass a look-see. The down side is watching the mass on your laptop it can feel a little weird. The up side is you can skip past the music.

5. Keep your feet happy by wearing stylish yet practical woolly socks to bed. You won't believe the difference it makes.

6. If you see anyone jogging out there in full winter jogging gear, do not let that make you feel guilty about spending most of your time on the sofa swathed in soft, fluffy throws while watching Netflix and chowing down on those Oreos. Yes, those jogging folks must be in great physical shape. You, on the other hand, are mentally stable. Cherish your choice.

7. Those pesky face masks actually make wonderful nose warmers. Always keep one handy.

I'm told this deep freeze is going to last a while, so I'll be keeping everyone updated. In the mean time, mull some of that wine and crank up the old IZ cds. You'll get through this. Hopefully without getting frostbite.