Once Again the Japanese Offer An Improvement

Thursday was Global Handwashing Day. Am I the only one who missed it?

Oh well. Thank God for the Japanese. Here's a helpful video.

California: One Sinking Ship The Rats Will Not Leave

From today's LA Times:


L.A., Beverly Hills move to ban declawing of cats
November 6, 2009 | 1:31 pm

"The Los Angeles City Council, in a preliminary action, voted unanimously today to ban the controversial practice of declawing cats, which council members described as unnecessary and abject animal cruelty.

The vote was also a repudiation of the state Legislature, which earlier this year voted to bar local governments from banning the procedure beginning Jan. 1.

"I don't think we should allow people at the state level to dictate to us our local actions," said Councilman Paul Koretz, who sponsored the ordinance.
Said Councilman Bill Rosendahl, who owns three cats: "The bottom line is, you take the claws out of a cat, you take away the cat."

The council is scheduled to take a final vote on the ordinance Nov. 17.
The Beverly Hills City Council unanimously approved a similar ordinance Thursday night. A final vote in that city also is expected Nov. 17."

Election Commentary

Sick Days

"Mom? Moooommmmyy?"

"Mph?"

"My tummy hurts."

If your "parenting style" is anything like mine, this is a line that makes you want to tear your hair out.
It tells you nothing useful, like a fever does. "Fever! Bingo! You're sick, get the Motrin, you'll be fine in no time!"

It sounds so miserable, and you know there's next to nothing you can do about it. Sure, you can ply the kid with ginger ale and chicken broth, but you wonder how long before the child figures out you're just playing guessing games here.

It even rouses your suspicions. A 'tummy ache?' Is this about your child's actual physical health, or are we talking 'I don't want to go to school'? And how big a heel does it make you out to be if you decide the kid is faking and you turn out to be wrong?

A few weeks ago we saw the doctor about a tummy ache. After hinting that it was probably all my fault ("this could be a behavioral issue, the child responding to parental anxiety"), the doc concluded, "Kids get tummy aches. Like adults get headaches. It's just one of those things." Which was very helpful.

DIH does not like "tummy aches." She probably enjoys them even less than the little girl who is currently languishing on the sofa behind me. We are going to see the pediatrician this afternoon, and hope this time we get some answers.

Dog Haiku Tuesday

Oh to be a lab
And go on shedding one's hair
Yet never go bald

Hate Crime!

Yesterday President Obama signed the newest anti-hate crime bill into law.

The Washington Post explains, "The legislation extends provisions first passed in 1968 that make it a federal crime to target individuals because of their race, religion or national origin."

Hm. "National origin."

In light of the new law DIH feels it her patriotic duty to report the Minneapolis Star Tribune as a suspected hate criminal. The evidence is plain as day, in today's paper.

To wit:

"A star-studded version of the holiday classic was announced, then canceled, at Minneapolis' Orpheum Theatre. The production, with F. Murray Abraham billed to star as Scrooge and James Garner narrating as Charles Dickens, was to have run in mid-December... But the Minneapolis engagement was scotched when producer Kevin Von Feldt could not come up with the second deposit to secure the venue."

I know sensitive readers are as appalled as I was. But as the fellow said, the only thing necessary for evil to prosper is for good bloggers to do nothing.

So I'll say it. I'll say what everyone else is afraid to say:

"Scotched"?

Yes, you read that right. It's right there in the entertainment section. "Scotched." Used here to mean dumped, torpedoed, screwed up beyond redemption, all f'ed up.

Honestly, DIH is still trying to recover from her shock. But in the meantime I put out some feelers to local leaders of the Scottish-American community to get their reactions.

Drew Laird of the Braveheart Single Malt and Rugby Club in St. Louis Park was the first to respond. "Cursed be the Strib's grandchildren," he spat. "The Scots gave this country the finest whisky known to man. And Andrew Carnegie, to boot. Every schoolchild knows that one. 'How do you get to Carnegie Hall?' 'Practice!'It's part of the fabric of American humor."

Mungo Dirk of the West Southdale Country Club agreed. "Scottish Americans have more than done their part to build the Twin Cities. We don't deserve this kind of disrespect from the Strib."

DIH pointed out that Minnesota is generally considered more culturally Nordic than Celtic. "That's just the problem," Mungo said. "Minnesotans love to golf. I see more pathetic Norwegian golfers in my job than you can shake a gnarled stick at, but do I kick 'em off my course? Certainly not. I'd never say no to that kind of money."

DIH then directed Mungo to the nearest dictionary. "Look- here it is, 'scotch; to hinder or prevent. Synonyms are thwart, frustrate, spoil, baffle, and--- and--"

I could not suppress a gasp.

Oh.
My.
GOD.

"I believe the word you're looking for is 'queer,'" said TrueMan Kapote of the Twin Cities Lesbian and Gay Lingua Alliance. "Yes, we hear it all the time. So and so 'queered' a deal, and so on." He sighed. "And you know, I think that could be the saddest part of all this. Everyone knows 'scotch' is a code word for 'queer.' So much for linguistic respect from our journalists."

"Wait." DIH reached for her trusty OED. "Look- here's an etymology. It says the word 'scotch' comes from the Middle English 'scocchen'- to cut.'"

TrueMan rolled his eyes. "Honey," he sighed, "if you believe anyone at the Strib owns an Oxford English Dictionary, you'll believe anything."

A Little Help Here?

OK, somebody explain this to me.

President Obama is about to set new emissions standards for American cars. SUVs and big vehicles will become obsolete, and everyone will have to drive around in those stupid little "smart" cars.

Enviromental types cheer. We're saved!

On the other hand:

The Minnesota state legislature just voted to make booster seats mandatory for all children up to age 8.

I believe the number of booster seats you can fit into a "smart" car is zero. DIH drives a Subaru Outback and she can do three, tops.

This means:

In Minnesota at least, entire fleets of "smart" cars will be required to transport one soccer team to practice.

Which means at best a break-even scenario on that plan to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Plus ticking off anyone over 5'2" who has to cram himself into a "smart" car. And believe me, this is a tall state (not enough Italians in the gene pool, I guess).

Result: more pollution, more ticked-off drivers, more cranky kids who resent being treated like their baby brothers as they are strapped into booster seats. More tempers flaring on the soccer field. More irate parents getting in the coach's face, more kids "accidentally" cleating each other...

Oh, dear. The Beautiful Game is about to get very ugly.

Thank you, DFLers!

Best Wishes, Graduates!

Joe Biden gave the commencement address at Wake Forest University yesterday. I'm telling you, the man knows how to win friends [h/t THe Corner]:

"I believe so strongly, as you may recall when I was here in October, not in you particularly but your generation, that I don’t have a single doubt in my mind we’re on the cusp not only of a new century but a new day for this country and the world."

The Vice President continued:

"Not in you particularly, because hey, let's face it, I'm at- where am I? Wake Forest? Where the hell is Wake Forest? Seriously, you're like, the rejects from Chapel Hill, right? Or maybe Duke. Duke, there's a good school. Too bad you guys didn't get in there. Oh well. Like I said, there are other people in your generation besides you people, which is a damn good thing in my opinion, since if there were only you lot we'd be completely screwed. Hey, Happy Graduation, losers!"

And remember, we just could not have Sarah Palin for VP. Not smart enough.

Hard Times at the MOA

Yesterday my daughter and I went to the Mall of America, the largest shopping mall on Planet Earth and a Minnesota landmark. This is a big deal, as DIH a) is too cheap to pay full retail for anything and b) cannot stand the Mall of America.

This last probably warrants some explanation.

If there is anyone outside the Twin Cities reading this, I bet there are some things you didn't know about the MOA. For instance. Did you know the Mall of America is home to the largest underground aquarium in the world?

And did you know that having an aquarium in your basement makes your whole mall smell like a swimming pool?

If you're ever in the MOA and you order a diet Coke from some little stand, you will note it carries a faint taste of chlorine. (Note to self: next time say "no ice.")

Usually there are large groups of Japanese tourists milling about. shopping for all they're worth. Yesterday I saw exactly one Japanese person. She was wearing a surgical mask. I thought it was to deal with the chlorine smell. Then I remembered: swine flu.

Sophia and I were looking for shoes. Geoxx shoes, for her. They're expensive shoes, but we figured it being so near the end of the season maybe we'd catch a clearance sale.
There was no clearance sale at the Geoxx store. But as soon as she saw we were about to leave, the young woman behind the counter offered us 25% off on anything in the store.

For a while there yesterday I felt good about the recession.