Question: why are grown men impossible to shop for at Christmas?
Answer: because most men are like Miss Piggy. Who said it all when she said, "My needs are few, my wants are extremely expensive."
It all starts with Daddy. You're a little girl and you want to get Daddy something special. So you ask him, "Daddy, what would you like for Christmas?"
He replies, "Socks."
Show me one American father who has never requested socks for Christmas. I was buyng my father socks for years.
And why? Because when pressed for a different answer, it too was always the same: "Well, I'd like a Lamborghini, I guess."
Get that man another pair of socks.
Then you grow up and get married, and now you have a husband to buy for. The Spouse is a little more imaginative than my father when it comes to gifts, but not much. I could sit down and make a list of his favorite things right now. In fact, here it is.
Richard Vigilante's Favorite Things:
Paper towels. Automatic pencils (he has thousands). Waste baskets, the white plastic kind with the flip-up lids ( at last count we had seven). Brioschi (not as easy to find as it used to be). Underwear. Socks.
You can imagine how much fun it is to shop for a guy like that. Well, at least he's never asked for a Lamborghini. He makes noises about getting hold of a Mercedes some day, though.
That day will be some time past my own, I think.