New Year's Eve
...is a good day to skip reading the newspapers.
Why? Because today is Annual Look Back Day.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would read that kind of article.
"It's so much fun. Let's all look back!"
Who died in 2014? Gotta keep up with the dead guys. It's so embarrassing when you think somebody's dead and he's still alive. And I always think people are dead. I know Abe Vigoda is still alive- glad we got that one ironed out!- but otherwise I tend to get a little confused.
Then there's Obamacare. Let's look back on how Obamacare came to be. On second thought, let's not. Let's concentrate on praying the Supreme Court throws the damn thing out next year.
Grubergate? That can be kind of fun to contemplate this New Year's Eve. Mostly because just the fact that I am not him, or related to him, gives me a sense of profound peace. Desperate Irish Housewife may have her failings, but being Jonathon Gruber is not among them. Thanks, God!
Celebrity weddings? Yawn. Get back to me after 30 years together, Mr and Mrs. Clooney. Maybe then you'll have some interesting thoughts.
Celebrity divorces? Isn't that half the reason they get married in the first place? Twice the ink, baby. Twice the ink.
Sure, there were plenty of genuine tragedies. Murdered cops, murdered children... plenty of reasons to lie awake at night. Here's a tip: keep your rosary handy on your nightstand. That way at three in the morning you can actually do something for those poor people.
No, I think I'll skip the papers this morning. Maybe tomorrow, too. I don't want to read any articles about how nobody keeps their New Year's Resolutions, either.
Why? Because today is Annual Look Back Day.
For the life of me, I cannot understand why anyone would read that kind of article.
"It's so much fun. Let's all look back!"
Who died in 2014? Gotta keep up with the dead guys. It's so embarrassing when you think somebody's dead and he's still alive. And I always think people are dead. I know Abe Vigoda is still alive- glad we got that one ironed out!- but otherwise I tend to get a little confused.
Then there's Obamacare. Let's look back on how Obamacare came to be. On second thought, let's not. Let's concentrate on praying the Supreme Court throws the damn thing out next year.
Grubergate? That can be kind of fun to contemplate this New Year's Eve. Mostly because just the fact that I am not him, or related to him, gives me a sense of profound peace. Desperate Irish Housewife may have her failings, but being Jonathon Gruber is not among them. Thanks, God!
Celebrity weddings? Yawn. Get back to me after 30 years together, Mr and Mrs. Clooney. Maybe then you'll have some interesting thoughts.
Celebrity divorces? Isn't that half the reason they get married in the first place? Twice the ink, baby. Twice the ink.
Sure, there were plenty of genuine tragedies. Murdered cops, murdered children... plenty of reasons to lie awake at night. Here's a tip: keep your rosary handy on your nightstand. That way at three in the morning you can actually do something for those poor people.
No, I think I'll skip the papers this morning. Maybe tomorrow, too. I don't want to read any articles about how nobody keeps their New Year's Resolutions, either.
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