The Wisdom of Chris Matthews

At a President's Day panel in Washington, D.C. the other day, newsman Chris Matthews explained the main reason people are entering the Catholic Church today: bigotry against gays. "If you're really anti-gay," he said, "you become a Catholic now."

And hasn't that always been the way, Chris? A regular haven for gay-haters, the Catholic Church is. Why, when Oscar Wilde converted on his death bed the one thing he wanted the world to know what how much he hated homosex-

Oh wait....

Okay. Screw Wilde. Look at Evelyn Waugh. Another convert who was obviously a gay-hater. The way he made the gay Anthony Blanche in "Brideshead, Revisited" the only who always told the truth no matter how ugly it was, well, that just shows how much Waugh despised---

Uh, well, um....

Tony Blair! Yeah, Tony Blair! Christopher Hitchens said that Blair only had a few homosexuals in his government. Only. A. Few. Is that proof, or what?

And Lola Falana? What, you think some straight guy designed all her costumes? Don't make me laugh. If any Catholic convert ever had a right to bear a grudge it was Lola.

And what about Vincent Price? He was a convert too, you know. Does anyone really believe Egghead hated Batman and Robin and guys in tights generally because they were crime fighters? You are sooooooo naive!

Thank you, Chris! Once again you have pointed the way to the truth. By the way- you've seen someone about the leg, right? Those tingles can be a sign of trouble to come, you know.

Hey- once again, you were the first to let us know!