Friday, July 25, 2008

Things To Do In Deadwood

DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA-

Dang, this place jest ain't been the same since them Hollywood folks come to town. You get your Kevin Costners and your HBO'ers and all of a sudden sure the place looks a little shinier but can you park near the liquor store? Nope.

DIH and family are taking a brief tour through the Black Hills. We have learned a lot so far:

Rattlesnakes really do make that sinister sound, and their presence may explain why almost no one lives here.

Never mention "Yellowstone Park" or "The Grand Canyon" to a South Dakotan. Unless you want to listen to fifteen minutes of scorn for them federally-funded wusses.

The introduction of the gambling industry to nearly dead historical places may bring about economic revival, but it is plumb ugly. Ugly machines, ugly noises, and amazingly ugly hotel carpeting. Puts a whole new meaning on "selling one's soul."

When Dakotans say "just drive down the road a ways" they generally mean something like ten miles.

You know those fancy-schmancy GPS systems you always told yourself were a luxury? They're not. Get one before you even think about coming back here. Unless you want to spend your life wandering on the pitch dark prairie arguing about whose idea this whole trip was.

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