Today's International Herald Tribune reports that Barack Obama is not funny.
""We're doing jokes about people in his orbit, not really about him," said Mike Sweeney, the head writer for O'Brien on "Late Night." The jokes will come, representatives of the late-night shows said, when Obama does or says something that defines him — in comedy terms."
[Allow DIH to translate: "Defines him in comedy terms": when we notice something about him that doesn't bore us to tears.]
"Why? The reason cited by most of those involved in the shows is that a fundamental factor is so far missing in Obama: There is no comedic "take" on him, nothing easy to turn to for an easy laugh, like allegations of Bill Clinton's womanizing, or President George W. Bush's goofy bumbling or Al Gore's robotic persona."
"The thing is, he's not buffoonish in any way," said Mike Barry, who started writing political jokes for Johnny Carson's monologues..."He's not a comical figure," Barry said.
OK it's true: there's nothing funny about Barack Obama. In fact there's nothing there at all.
Wait-- did I just say "nothing?"
Clearly this is a situation that calls for Larry David. Larry! Call HBO now! I got a show for ya!
Here's the pitch: Barack Obama is trying to get elected President of the United States. But there's really nothing special about him,except he has this habit of offending people all the time. So it's tough for him, see? Think of the laughs! I got it- he can go around talking about abortion to- get this! schoolchildren! It's groundbreaking stuff! "Well, when you were in your mommy's tummy you were really totally expendable, so...."
Or he could go to Paris, on a mission. "Uh- merci bow-coop!" How's that? Are you laughing yet?
Send him to a retirement home. "My grandmother was like a lot of you. White. And old. Really old. Older than John McCain, even. Ha ha! Oh- um, not that any of you could be older that John McCain-- but maybe you are! Ha! Old!"
He names Jesse Jackson ambassador to Israel.
He names John Conyers to the Supreme Court.
He names Patrick Kennedy drug czar.
What are those lazy writers thinking. There's comedy gold here.