Monday, March 17, 2008


Reactions among the congregation at Our Lady of the Control Freaks to yesterday's announcements were strong.

"I can't believe it," said 84-year-old Johnannes von Deutch. "I've been coming to this parish all my life, and this is the first time anyone's ever told me to stay awake. Is this from the Pope, or is it some new 'American bishops'thing?"

"One of the ushers told me I wasn't moving fast enough," an elderly man who wished to remain anonymous said. "What's the big hurry? I mean, where's everybody going anyway? Wisconsin?"

"Someone poked me in the back,"one woman sniffed. "Said I was talking too loud. Well, I didn't have my hearing aid on, so I said, "What?" and he yelled "QUIET!" So rude. Really, I was shocked. OLCF used to be such a lovely parish."

One man simply gripped his cane. "Let them try to take this away from me," he said. "Just let 'em try."