Tuesday, January 10, 2006

My LIfe As A Kennedy

News item:

Senator Kennedy Writes For Children

If Madonna can do it, and Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Cosby and LeAnn Rimes and Maria Shriver and Sarah, the Duchess of York, why not Edward M. Kennedy? Yes, the senior senator from Massachusetts is joining the ranks of children's book authors. Come May, Scholastic will celebrate Splash, his Portuguese water dog, and take readers through a day in the senator's life and the legislative process by publishing "My Senator and Me: A Dog's Eye View of Washington, D.C."- New YorkTImes, January 10, 2006

Hi! I'm Splash. I am a Portuguese water dog. I live here in our nation's capital, Washington, D.C. with my best friend in the whole world, Senator Kennedy. And I want to take you through our day!

It's morning here in Washington, and it's time for me to wake my Senator up. I jump up on the bed and lick his face. Boy, he sure is sleepy today! He keeps rubbing his head and groaning. Is "sh*t-faced" a people word?

I bring him the newspaper. There's a picture of a blonde lady on the front page. She must be important because her picture is in the paper a lot. I think she must not go to a very good groomer- man, her hair is a mess. She must have a dog, too- a girl dog. At least, the Senator always mentions a girl dog whenever her name comes up.

Time to go to work! The Senator and I jump into the car. We never have to sit in traffic. When the other drivers see us they all get off the road quick.

The Senator's office is in a big white building. Time for my morning walk! We stop in front of a door that says "Majority Leader." I don't know why those people get so mad every morning. This is my "walk," for Pete's sake. You'd think none of them ever owned a dog.

In the Senator's office I curl up on the floor. I tried to curl up under the secretary's desk once but the Senator told me to get lost. So I had to find another place.

We take a break and go down to the tennis courts. Uh-oh! There's someone playing on our favorite court! The Senator give me a wink, and I run over and bite them on the calf. They decide to leave early. The Senator gives me a pat on the head for that.

Well, we've had a busy day. But there's one more thing to do. I know it's important to the Senator because we do it every chance we get. We stop at the National Archives and look at a big, old document in a glass case. The Senator stands there, reading the words. "We the People," he sighs, "we, the people. Okay, Splash."

I jump up and pee on the case.

The Senator smiles.

"Good dog," he says.


Christopher McLaughlin said...

A Portuguese water dog named Splash? I can understand why he decided on a Portuguese dog with his poll numbers slipping among that demographic in Fall River and New Bedford, but a “water” dog and one named “splash”? Is he deliberately testing to see if there will be comment and comparison made to escapades of 1969? As a liberal and an advocate of sensitivity training has he even thought of the Kopechne family’s reaction? I hope Splash is a fictional dog. I mean... I hope he didn't really name his pet that.

Yvette said...

Good point on the "Splash" name. Maybe if the book doesn't sell he'll just walk away and pretend the whole thing never happened...

Joke said...

I just hope he didn't win teh dog playing bridge.


Pastor_Jeff said...

Susan - LOL! Great writing.

Joke - great pun!

Des_Moines_Girl said...

LOL! You are so funny!

Jeffus said...

Nice blog. Have you welcomed your Ann Coulter readers?

Sue said...

Good point, Jeff.

Welcome to all my Ann Coulter readers! I am so glad to meet you all. I am a big fan of Ann's and have been for years. Good to meet fellow fans.

Sue (the DIH)

The Coulter Chamber said...

*stupid question alert*

love the splash post. however i'm still wondering who the blonde lady w/the messy hair on the cover of the newspaper is supposed to be. coulter? cindy sheehan?

Erin said...

I love Coulter! She's the best. Be sure to read her latest column "Fork Replaces Donkey As Democratic Party Symbol". I love Sean Hannity, too! He's speaking at my college tomorrow night. Seats are sold out, though. :(
Susan, I love your blog! I'm Irish, too!

Celina said...

I also followed this blog from Ann Coulter's site and I must say I am enjoying it thoroughly. Keep up the good work.

P.S. Ann Coulter, good? I am naming my next child after her. (Here's hoping my next child is actually a girl:))

The Apologist said...

He's seriously calling the dog "Splash?" I've been waiting for this day... he's truly, actually done for. Just out the window, bats in the bellfry, completely loony. Of course, this will only redouble the democrats' support of him.

Ryan said...

Awesome story! I was laughing so hard I was almost crying.

Christopher McLaughlin said...

Celina - Coulter is a cool name for a boy.