Wednesday, December 07, 2005

When Pants Attack

After the second sub-zero night in a row I decided no more screwing around: it was time to get myself some serious pj's. My daughter has a pair from Carters' that I found myself envying, and not for the "Cutie pie" picture on the shirt, either. They are made of the most delicious fleece I've ever touched: soft, dense, stretchy.... ahhh. And so warm she doesn't even need her bathrobe when she's wearing them.

That's for me, I decided.

So I went to KMart. And there they were, pajamas made of almost the same material. I bought a pair. I anticipated a night of cozy bliss.

Ha.

I knew when I pulled them on there would be trouble. The problem was the pants. They have one of those ridiculously low waistlines you see on aging ex-Disney stars.

Never mind the indecency of wearing pants that show off nearly one's entire pelvis. This waistline is the most miserably uncomfortable thing in fashion since the whalebone corset. I spent half the night trying to adjust my pajama bottoms. Either they were too high, tugging painfully you-know-where, or they were too low, leaving half my heinie exposed to the elements.

Who the hell thought of these pants? What fashionista thought a grown woman would even consider them? And I mean grown. These pajamas come in sizes up to 3X. Somewhere in America there are three-hundred-pound women flashing their butt cracks.

What is this country coming to?

2 comments:

Elinor Dashwood said...

Try the Lands End catalogue and also L.L.Bean. They have pyjamas for grownups that are very comfortable (and if they aren't comfortable what's the point of them?). Another possibility might be Hanes For Her or whatever they call their female division (so to speak) - they probably have pocketless sweat pants that come up to the waist and would be very agreeable to sleep in, with a long-sleeve tee for the top.

I don't get this low-rider phenomenon myself, and not because I haven't the figger for it. They must be very uncomfortable to wear, besides exposing a broad swath of goosefleshed skin to the cold. I'd wonder why any adult women would wear them, except that it's probably the same middle-aged women who wear clothing with Tweety on it.

The Apologist said...

It's really obnoxious. In High School, the girls are always complaining that they're cold. But they refuse to wear any actual *clothing*.