Thursday, December 18, 2014

Fear the Hacker!

LOS ANGELES — Sony Pictures Entertainment on Wednesday dropped plans for its Christmas Day release of “The Interview,” a movie that depicts the assassination of the North Korean leader Kim Jong-un, after receiving a terror threat against theaters.  (New York Times)

HELL- "I don't know why I never thought of that,"  Satan, in a rare interview, discussed the Sony decision.  "And I'm a little ticked off at Kim, too.  I thought he and I were buddies.  But he comes up with a gem like this and doesn't think to share it with me first?  I'm gonna remember that.

"Ok, well, granted, some of the pictures I wish I could have pulled predate my favorite dictator.  'The Exorcist,' for instance.  Look what that sucker did to the sale of Ouija Boards!  And all of a sudden everyone's believing in me again.  I spend centuries convincing them I don't exist, and boom!  all that work goes out the window in one screening.  I had to start all over again.  It's a lot of work, you know?

"End of Days.  That turkey with what's-his-name, Arnold.  It made me look ridiculous!  One little terror threat and bingo, Universal would have caved.  You know it's still out there on DVD?  Sure, watch the damn thing.  Go ahead and laugh.  I'll be taking names.

"And remember Devil's Advocate?  Al Pacino made me look like a moron, sticking my finger into holy water fonts just to see the water bubble.  Hey, news flash, Al- you ever see The Exorcist?  They use holy water to run me out of town.  Everybody knows that.

"Seriously, I am going to get into the computer hacking game.  If Kim can do it, well, I taught the kid practically everything he knows, I ought to be able to mess with Hollywood's emails.  I've already got half their souls right here, baby.  Emails are nothin' compared to that."

No comments: