Monday, February 17, 2014

Winter Olympics

Plough and Shovel Side-by-Side.  The intrepid woman who shovels her walk every snowstorm is matched against the b*stards next door who hire a guy with a plough.  The plough, by virtue of its superior horsepower, attempts to leave a barrier of solid ice and snow just over the intrepid shoveller's property line.  The shoveller, by virtue of her ferocious chihuahua companion, attempts to scare the plough off before he can do so.  (Odds heavily in favor of the plough.)

Milk Dash.  Contestants vie to buy the last gallon of milk from the convenience store.  Disqulaifiers include payment by check, Slurpee spills, and hoodies.

Redbox Relay.  One of our favorites.  Contestants try to keep a steady supply of halfway decent rented movies in the house until the storm subsides.  Bonus points if you actually return the films.

Citation Sweep.  Who can collect the highest number of city-issued tickets for failure to keep his sidewalk sufficiently clear?  Who gets the prize for Snow Emergency Route violations?  Who gets no tickets at all?  All members of the last category automatically disqulaified, as they are obviously cheating.

(Youth Division)  Snowbank Tongue.  See who can keep his tongue stuck in a schoolyard snowbank longest.  Contest ends when Latin teacher sneaks up from behind and shoves students' heads into snow.

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