Monday, October 22, 2012

It's Official: The End Is Near.

It has to be, when you wake up to a headline like this one:

"First Human Ancestor Looked Like a Squirrel."

You can find the item over at the Discovery News site.

Apparently scientists have discovered the fossilized bones of the first known primate, a tiny critter known as Purgatorius.  (I've never heard a more apt name for a pest.)  Purgatorius lived in trees and had interesting ankle bones that let it hang on to branches with its feet.   The article includes an "artist's conception" of what the little rotter looked like.  They even gave it a fluffy tail.

What I can't figure out is, how did this primitive squirrel survive without attics to chew their way into?

And why oh why hasnt' anyone figured out time travel yet?  So I can go back to the Paleocene era and MURDER ALL THE LITTLE F*CKERS??

Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Year of Faith

Yes!  It opens today! It's nothing but faith, faith, faith from here on in!

In order to observe this Year of Faith more faithfully I signed up for one of those "read-the-catechism-in-a-year" email deals.  By this time next year I should be one hell of a well-catechized Catholic.  Which I'm sure will be a much easier thing to be than an actually better Catholic, so I should be able to pull this off.

For those of you who have not gotten today's email, allow me to summarize.  Life in this world, just like back in the old Baltimore Catechism days, is all about knowing, loving and serving God.  It's also about spreading the word of the Gospel to the whole world.  This is called "catechesis," and every Catholic is called to participate in it.

If you are like me the mere idea of sharing the Gospel with your neighbors is enough to make you cringe.  I am the sort of person who can barely say Grace with strangers without wanting to dive under the table.  It's not embarrassment, mind you:  it's just that when I  talk to God I don't want anyone else listening in.  I mean, come on.  It's a private conversation.

So some of us have to look for alternative ways of evangelizing.

 Bumper stickers are an obvious choice.  Especially now in the political season, a pro-life or pro-marriage bumper sticker tells the world where you stand, and if you live in a neighborhood like mine, also offers a convenient path to martyrdom.  Getting vandalized definitely counts as martyrdom in my book, or at least in my checkbook.   Why only last week a man hurled a pole at my car and screamed some choice epithets at me as I drove past with my "Vote 'Yes' on the Marriage Amendment" bumper sticker in full view.  Luckily he missed the driver's side window, but he dented the passenger door and chipped the  paint.  See?  Instant martyr credit.  (Note to self:  remember to call insurance agent.)

Ditto lawn signs.  I still can't believe my "Vote 'Yes'" sign is still in my front yard.  Some of my friends have been through three or four signs by now, and the election's still three weeks away.

T-shirts are tricky.  I'm not sure it would be wise to wear my "Vote Yes' shirt while walking my black labrador around the lake.  My chihuahua, though, that's a different story. She'd be much more likely to protect me if someone decided to take exception to my attire.  I'll have to think about this.

Anybody else got any ideas?  Send 'em along.  Let's get this Year of Faith rolling.