Wednesday, March 07, 2012

The Fluke Family's Finest Hour

Last week Georgetown University Law student Sandra Fluke told members of Congress about the terrible burden of being forced to pay for her own contraception. Several media outlest reported that, a day later, President Obama called Ms. Fluke and said, "Your parents must be proud of you."

Desperate Irish Housewife caught up with Ma and Pa Fluke earlier today. They were happy to talk about their now celebrity-status offspring.

"Of course we've always been proud of our Sandra. She's a sweet, clever girl." Mrs. Fluke, obviously emotional, smiled bravely. "But when she testified before that subcommittee or whatever it was, well, I've never been more proud of my daughter, never."

"Me neither." Mr. Fluke could not contain himself. The man was beaming, the very picture of the proud papa. "Three thousand dollars for contraception? Do you realize how many, er, dates my little girl must get? I'd say she's got them lining up around the block!"

"Now, dear, don't be boastful." Mrs. Fluke gave our reporter a modest smile. "But after all, she is her mother's daughter."

"She's daddy's little girl!" Mr Fluke pulled a cigar out of his coat pocket. "I knew she'd inherited my brains, but my gift for seduction too? I used to see some action like nobody's business, I can tell you. Ah, the good old days! But now I see I've passed on the torch to the next generation. I'm telling you, my cup runneth over. What a daughter!"

Desperate observed Sandra had apparently inherited her mother's good looks as well.

Mrs Fluke blushed. "Now that, I have to admit I am just a teensy bit proud of. My daughter is 30 years old and she can still convince the media she's a 23-year-old coed. And I haven't even treated her to an eyelid lift yet! Imagine what she'll look like when she's my age!"

And Mrs. Fluke's age is....

"39," she snapped. "I had Sandra when I was 16. 16 plus 23, that's 39, buster."

But I thought she got her Bachelor's degree in 2003. At least that's what Wikipedia says.

"Correct. She was a very precocious child. She finished college when she was just a slip of a girl. Barely fourteen."

"Oh, was she ever precocious," Papa Fluke broke in. "Why, she was dating when she was ten. She learned fast, boy. Mother, do you remember the night she came home at 3 am and asked if we had any--"

"Oh, now, let's not bore our guest with every little story," Mrs Fluke hastened to interrupt her husband. "Besides, that's the past. We are looking forward to a bright future for our daughter! She's already been on 'The View,' you know. Can 'Ellen' be far behind?"

"And that's just chat shows," Mr Fluke said. "She's getting offers from Eliot Spitzer! That's hard news."

Um...wasn't Spitzer's show cancelled?

The Flukes looked surprised. "There must be some mistake. Sandra says she got an offer from the man. The show must be back on the air."

Um... Well. Best of luck to you both. And your daughter.

"Our daughter is the luckiest girl in the world," Mrs. Fluke beamed.

Mr Fluke could not agree more. "And she just keeps on getting lucky, every day."

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