Friday, June 04, 2010

New Game

I have a new game I play when I'm waiting on line at the supermarket. I call it "The Blame Game."

Catchy, huh? I should copyright that.

The object of the game is to come up with as many things as possible for which George W. Bush is to blame.

The game is easy when you're standing right next to the tabloids. For example, George W. Bush is obviously culpable for the Gore split, the BP oil crisis, and the excessive tattooing of Ms. Angelina Jolie. (Note to Ms. Jolie: tattooing yourself in Khmer is not proof you are dedicated to ending the sex trafficking of young Cambodian girls. It just means you like tattoos.) All of these things are clearly the result of the selfishness and ineptitude of our previous President.

But once you start putting your items on the conveyor belt and can no longer keep a close eye on the headlines, it gets more challenging.

Is GWB to blame for the suddenly, and sneakily, smaller containers of Edy's ice cream. And they thought we wouldn't notice! The nerve of those Republicans.

And what about the fact that stores no longer automatically mark down the dented cans of diced tomatoes? Republican greed! It's hardly worth the trouble of denting the cans myself any more.

The wilted lettuce, the shrunken citrus. GWB must have swept them with his devastating Destructo-Vision.

But at least we know Bush cannot be the cause of the ubiquitous and uncivilized practice of Bag Your Own Groceries. That one is clearly a result of Democratic support for the poor and oppressed supermarket cashiers.

Plus it ensures a result of such devastating incompetence- squashed bread, crushed potato chips, cracked eggs and celery leaping out of the bag int he parking lot-- that this could only have been a Democrat's idea.

Thank you, Mr. Obama!


HEATHER said...


Nemoleon said...

The Haagen Dazs "pints" just went to 14 oz. Is that because of GWB? It's probably Ayn Rand's fault that I like bagging my own groceries.