Saturday, June 12, 2010

Liveblogging the USA-England Soccer Match

..on my Facebook page. Well the first half, anyway.

Quote of the Day

From the NY Post's review of the remake of the "Karate Kid," starring Jackie Chan:

"The kid, Dre, flirts up a taller cute girl (Wenwen Han) in his new school and the two spend much of the movie scampering around Beijing Tourist Board locations like the Forbidden City, as if the average 12-year-old will care. I’ve been to China, and trust me: Smoke six packs of unfiltered Luckys while strolling down Mott Street, and you’ll get the gist."

You can read the whole review at:

Friday, June 11, 2010

Another Phrase Ruined

There has been much talk lately about the President's statement that his new mission in life is to find out "whose ass to kick" re: the BP oil spill. Jon Stewart has declared the opening of "AssQuest 2010." Bloggers are now referring to "President Kick-Ass." And everyone is trying to figure out exactly how Barack will kick his own.

This kind of language used to be described as "salty." Remember when George Bush said in a Navy officer's ear the morning after a debate (off-mike, he assumed) that "we really kicked ass last night." The media were in an uproar. Such language! From a Navy man! The shock, the horror!

Nowadays it's no big deal. In fact my local newspaper, and many others, admire the president for "talking tough." (This is not the same as being tough. But it's as close as he's gotten so far, so I guess the paper wants to be encouraging. "Good boy, Barry! Now let's try to apply that to our actions, OK? Here's a cookie.".)

The real problem, for yours truly, with the President's statement is this:

The man has gone and ruined a perfectly good phrase.

Who will be able to describe anything as "kick-ass" again without everyone assuming you're being ironic? "Kick-ass" will come to mean "in as wimpy a fashion as possible." Or "pointlessly noisy." Or "I'll sit here with my hands folded."

I used to like to say I belonged to a kick-ass parish. And I do. But now I'll have to find a whole new phrase. "K-a" has lost its meaning. And I for one mourn its passing.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Poetry Corner

I'm wondering what readers think of this poem. It is by Richard Brautigan and was published some forty years ago. Four short lines. Comments welcome.

The Pill vs. The Springhill Mine Disaster

When you take your pill
it's like a mine disaster.
I think of all the people
lost inside you.

Saturday, June 05, 2010

Wouldn't It Be Wonderful...

... if this was all Congress ever did?

Friday, June 04, 2010

New Game

I have a new game I play when I'm waiting on line at the supermarket. I call it "The Blame Game."

Catchy, huh? I should copyright that.

The object of the game is to come up with as many things as possible for which George W. Bush is to blame.

The game is easy when you're standing right next to the tabloids. For example, George W. Bush is obviously culpable for the Gore split, the BP oil crisis, and the excessive tattooing of Ms. Angelina Jolie. (Note to Ms. Jolie: tattooing yourself in Khmer is not proof you are dedicated to ending the sex trafficking of young Cambodian girls. It just means you like tattoos.) All of these things are clearly the result of the selfishness and ineptitude of our previous President.

But once you start putting your items on the conveyor belt and can no longer keep a close eye on the headlines, it gets more challenging.

Is GWB to blame for the suddenly, and sneakily, smaller containers of Edy's ice cream. And they thought we wouldn't notice! The nerve of those Republicans.

And what about the fact that stores no longer automatically mark down the dented cans of diced tomatoes? Republican greed! It's hardly worth the trouble of denting the cans myself any more.

The wilted lettuce, the shrunken citrus. GWB must have swept them with his devastating Destructo-Vision.

But at least we know Bush cannot be the cause of the ubiquitous and uncivilized practice of Bag Your Own Groceries. That one is clearly a result of Democratic support for the poor and oppressed supermarket cashiers.

Plus it ensures a result of such devastating incompetence- squashed bread, crushed potato chips, cracked eggs and celery leaping out of the bag int he parking lot-- that this could only have been a Democrat's idea.

Thank you, Mr. Obama!

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Headline of the Day

"Stinker flick stiffs writers"


The geniuses trying to market the abysmal "Sex and the City 2" messed up on at least two continents. A dozen prominent authors -- including Alexander Lo brano ("Hungry for Paris"), Dana Thomas ("Deluxe: How Luxury Lost Its Luster"), Jamie Cat Callen ("French Women Don't Sleep Alone") and Mireille Guiliano ("French Women Don't Get Fat") -- were invited to speak at Café Etienne Marcel in Paris as part of a promotion for the menopausal chick flick. But New York Agency, the Paris-based p.r. team hired by Warner Bros. to handle the event, didn't mention the authors in media alerts, stuck them in a small, dark, back room, and didn't provide a micro phone or turn down the music during the talk. An agency rep gabbed throughout, and, worse, said nothing when the café made the writers pay for drinks. "A complete nightmare," one of the authors told us. "But we got the sense that Warners couldn't care less."

Okay, I understand stiffing the writers. It's practically a tradition. Where would Hollywood be if they never stiffed the writers? Ask William Faulkner, ask Arthur Miller.

But refusing to pay for their drinks? What were they thinking? Writers practically live for free booze. I ought to know, I've been stuck with the bill enough times. You deny a writer his God-given right to a free cocktail, you're messing with Art! And Truth! And Truth in Art, or something. Anyway you're screwing around with the order of the universe.

Not a good idea.

I Think I'm In Love