Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Does This Mean My Father Gets His Money Back?

A strange little ad popped up on my Facebook page today. The ad was for something called "eCornell." So I clicked on the ad and found this:

"Cornell Alumni: You Now Have a Second Chance to Choose the Right Major

"Are you aware that as a Cornell Alumnus, you are eligible for a 25% discount on any of eCornell's certificate programs? There has never been a better time to further your professional education with a certificate from Cornell University. eCornell has the most comprehensive online programs offered by any top-20 university in the United States."

It continues,

"Our Programs

• Leadership and Strategic Management: Develop a solid understanding of leadership and strategic management concepts to ensure contribution to the bottom line.

• Systems Design: Learn the right way to design products and services from Cornell's Engineering School

• Project Leadership: Learn how to master the leadership and interpersonal skills necessary to promote optimal collaboration and performance from team members in today's climate of globalization, increased integration and shifting corporate policies.

• Financial Management: Interpret financial information, assess the costs and benefits of business decisions, and effectively communicate operational and financial strategies to maximize economic value for your organization

• Management Essentials: Learn to become a more effective manager by learning to hire and motivate employees, manage through conflicts, communicate effectively, and manage your team's overall productivity

• Human Resource Management: Learn the essentials of Human Resources including selection and staffing, employee relations, benefits management, performance management and appraisal

• Hospitality and Foodservice Management: Learn how to enhance your productivity and effectiveness leading or managing service teams in the hospitality industry

• And more..."

Uh-oh, I says to myself. I don't see my major here. Is dear old Alma Ma trying to tell me something?

Something like, "Hey, remember those years you spent sweating for your humanities degree? By now you've probably figured out what a total waste of time that was. Not to mention money! Seriously, since you left Cornell, has that bachelor's in medieval history been worth the paper it's printed on?

"We didn't think so! We know we offer a lot of useless majors, but face it, yours was one of the worst.

"But now that you're an adult, with a mortgage to pay and children to educate, we're going to give you another chance. Another chance to do what your parents told you to do all along: Get a degree that's worth something, godammit! Hellooo! Real world calling here! Wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late!"

I think I will forward this to my dad. If he still has those canceled checks, it may be time to send Cornell a bill.

No comments: