Saturday, May 09, 2009

Good Advice

DIH has been browsing again. And she came across "100 Little Tips to Help You Live to 100."

This list sure is helpful. Drink more water, take a vitamin pill, don't forget your fiber- can't argue with that, can you?--eat your fruits and vegetables. Just like Mom always told you.

The farther you go down the list, though, the more problematic "living to 100" gets. Take tip #27: "Sweep and vacuum the entire house every other day." If you have to do both, you either need a new vacuum or a new set of kids. Take your pick.

#30: "Turn on some music and dance. No one is watching." Oh yes, they are. Remember that.

#44: "Avoid lingering in large groups of people in cold and flu season." Best achieved by hiding under your bed from September to June.

The real recipe for disaster, of course, is found under the "mental health " tips. Someone tell me how you can do all these at once:

#62: "Spend more time with your family."
#76: "Surround yourself with only good people who have your best interests at heart."
Clearly these people have never met my family.

#85: "Adopt a mantra that will brighten your mood"
#86 "Stop worrying about what other people think of you."
Especially if you go around chanting a mantra to yourself at the supermarket.

I like #93: "Don't live in an area known for extreme weather or earthquakes." I'm trying to think of such a place. Hawaii comes to mind, but they have tidal waves and volcanoes. Italy, earthquakes. Ireland, rains all the time. And most places have winter.

Looks like I'm screwed.

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