Thursday, January 31, 2008

Kennedy Wars!

So "Caroline Kennedy", who until recently was known as "Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg" (did she get divorced? DIH didn't notice. Or maybe she just goes by "Kennedy" in election season. You know, for clarity), has endorsed Barack Obama, in the New York Times no less. Within days the Kennedy famiily was forming battle lines.

So far it's Caroline, Uncle Ted and cousin Patrick, Teddy's boy, on the pro-Barack side. That's assuming Patrick knows where he is or what he's doing, which is anyone's guess. Maybe he thought he was on his way to another important congressional vote and ended up onstage with Dad instead. A useful sort of person to have around, when you think about it.

And on the other side we have Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, daughter of the late RFK and former Lieutenant Governor of Maryland, and her bro's, announcing they were for HIllary.

Yep. Looks like Civil war in Camelot.

What DIH wants to know is: what about all you other Kennedys out there? Whose side are you on?

And I don't mean just you Hyannisport K's. Anyone whose name is Kennedy should weigh in on this. Let's make it a clan war. Fight songs, banners, skirling bagpipes, empty booze bottles flying through the air, the works.

So what do you say, K-folk? Barack or Hillary? Patrick or Robert Jr.? Ted or Katie?

Let me hear from you.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

One of Life's Challenges

Ever try housebreaking a puppy when it's 35 below zero outside?

DIH hadn't either, until this week. Let me tell you it is every bit as fun as it sounds.

Bright Idea: "I know. I'll train her to go right outside the door."
Downside: this will train her to go right outside the door.

Bright Idea: "I'll keep my big down coat right by the door. That way I can just grab it when she has to go."
Downside: The dog will also be able grab it. And chew on it. Whenever your back is turned.

Bright Idea: "You know, I can't blame her. I wouldn't go out in this cold either."
Downside: dog is reading your mind, and taking you at your word. Several times a day.

What can I say? I know it's a better plan to get your puppy in the spring, or summer. But there she was at the animal shelter, this adorable little cream-colored labrador puppy, eight weeks old and cute as -- well, as a lab pup. And there I was, dogless.

I have learned something about labradors. They're like the opposite sex: can't live with them, can't live without them. They shed and shed and shed until your house is one big hairball. They eat everything in sight, and whatever they don't eat they chew up anyway, just for practice. They're big and loud, they run up vet bills, they take over the bed and the sofa (but they might be willing to share the dog bed).

They're a pain. But they are priceless. And after trying another shed-free breed, DIH has come to understand that her life is just not complete without a labrador in it.

The timing wasn't great. But what a cute puppy!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Never Title Your E-mail "Book Meme"

There's an email that's been sitting in my mailbox for a few days. It's from a buddy so I knew I had to open i. On the other hand it's labelled "Book meme" so I was afraid to.

I hate it when people think I've read a lot of books. You want to ask me about "Law and Order" reruns, that's another story.

Fortunately I got off easy this time. Here' sthe meme:

1. Pick up the nearest book ( of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.


Of course Mr. Fancy Brain Theologian who sent me this had "Jesus of Nazareth" by Cardinal Ratzinger on his desk.

The nearest book to DIH at the moment, luckily, is "Princess Emily and the Enchanted Fairy," volume 6 of The Tiara Club series.
Which only has 70 pages, so I'm off the hook.

Hey Tony-wanna play "Law and Order Trivia" some time?

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Yippee!

Nineteen degrees!
That's ABOVE zero, folks!
WAH-HOOOO!!!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Monday, January 21, 2008

GO JINTS!!!

The New York Giants defeated the Green Bay Packers last night for the NFC Championship in "sudden death" overtime.

Let me first note that we have some divided loyatlies in our household. To wit:

Vince coached the Packers. BUT
Vince also coached St. Francis Prep. (Coached? Or just played there? DIH not sure.)
And let's not forget Fordham! Seven Blocks of Granite, baby!!

Add to that: DIH is a Long Islander. And as a former frequent commuter between NYC and DC she has enjoyed many a relaxing moment at the Vince Lombardi Rest Stop on the Jersey Turnpike.

So with apologies to all you Cheeseheads out there, GO GIANTS!! GO JINTS! ON TO THE SUPER BOWL!!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

In the Meantime...

The current temp in Minneapolis is minus 14. Wind chill makes it feel like something like minus 26.

Which brings me to the topic for today:
Top Ten Reasons Why There Has To Be A City All The Way Up Here.

1. Everyone on earth named "Olson" has a place to call home.
2. The lost art of earflaps tailoring can survive.
3. It probably makes the South Dakotans feel a little smarter knowing we're farther north than they are.
4. Snowdrifts are handy places to "lose" the Christmas lutefisk.
5. Long winter nights are the perfect time to contemplate the eternal question: Germans or Norwegians: who really rules?
6. Sure, it's miserable now. But when Global Warming really hits the fan, baby, watch out!
7. You never know when Canada might try something. (We're watching you, Bacon Boys.)
8. It really impresses your friends back East when you tell them how cold it was when you took out the garbage last night.
9. Where else could a major city thoroughfare be named "Cretin Avenue" and nobody laughs? (Honest. Look it up.)
10. In a down jacket nobody can tell you've gained ten pounds. Bring on the mac and cheese.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Sigh.

Computer problems. Back, I hope, tomorrow.

Monday, January 14, 2008

More Blog Improvements

Browsing the blogoshpere I've learned a few things. Lesson for today: the surest way to blogging popularity is to include a lot of yummy, family-friendly recipes among your posts. All the popular blogs seem to feature foodie news. Crock-pot recipes, tempting wintertime comfort foods, last-minute miracle suppers.

So I've decided to climb on the helpful kitchen hints bandwagon. Enjoy- these are my favorites!

It's nearly five o'clock! You've been busy all day but now everyone is coming home for supper and you've got nothing ready! What to do?
Don't fret, girlfriend! Just pick up the telephone. In half an hour you can have a satisfying supper on the table, complete with all the nutrients your growing family needs. Did you know that tomatoes are an outstanding source of lycopene? Cheese has oodles of calcium, and garlic has been a known source of healing nutirents for centuries! So call Dominos, Mom. Your family will thank you for it.

"Not meat loaf again!?"
Nope! Not tonight! How does this sound, harried homemaker: 8 grams of fiber, 9 grams of protein, and 20% of your daily phosphorus requirement, all for under 200 calories! And adding a splash of milk to your Kashi Go Lean Crunch will give your calcium levels a boost, too. This tasty whole-grain product is also a real conversation starter for you and your kids: try having a "who has the most gunk stuck in his molars" contest and see where it takes you!

Chicken. Everybody loves it. Five bucks will buy you a savory roaster at Costco. Head to the frozen foods ailse and grab a bag of Tater Tots and you're on your way. Don't forget to hand 'round the Flintstones vitamins!

Keep those micorwaves humming, America. And have a pleasant evening.

Friday, January 11, 2008

I Did It!

I did it! I did it last night!

I watched the Republican debate!
And my analysis is:

Best One-Liner: Fred Thompson. that crack about "one more step and they would've got those virgins." Good one!
Craziest But Occasionally Frighteningly Right: Ron Paul, obviously.
Most Effective Self-Defense: Mike Huckabee. When he said "everyone says he doesnt make religions an issue, but it's always ok to ask me." Well, you're a minister, Mike. You must've seen it coming.

Dullest: Romney, hands down. Hard to remember anything the man said, even though I found myself nodding sometimes.
New Yorkiest Guy: Rudy.

So now I have a new dream ticket: Fred and Rudy. And given the odds I'd say it will remain a dream. But still, think about it. What a team! Like putting John Wayne and Jimmy Cagney on the same horse! There's probably a better analogy but it's too early for DIH to come up with one. The floor is open to suggestions.

In othe news, Sir Edmund Hillary died this week. The man who, you will recall, served as Hillary Clinton's namesake, for a while at least. Mrs. Clinotn told the press that story right up until the day Sir Ed himself pointed out that he didn't climb Mt.Everest until some time after Hillary Rodham was born and christened. I guess Hillary just thought it was acool story. Or maybe she just wanted to claim she had a boy's name.
Or maybe it was just another lie.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Michael Moore, Call Your Office

[ap} "Former CIA agent Philip Agee has died in Cuba, his wife said Wednesday. He was 72.
"Agee quit the CIA in 1969 after 12 years working in Latin Maerica at a time when leftist movements were gaining prominence and sympathizers. HIs 1975 book "Inside the Company: CIA Diary" cited alleged misdeeds against leftist in the region and included a 22-page list of purported agency operatives.
...
"His wife, Giselle Roberge Agee, said Agee was hospitalized in Havana on Dec. 16 and underwent suregery of perforaed ulcers. He died Monday because of a related infection and his remains were cremated."

I think that puts the kibosh on that "superior Cuban health care" nonsense.


p.s. "While Agee's actions inspired the law against exposing covert U.S. operatives, he drew a distinvtion between what he did and the naming of CIA officer Valerie Plame, who had raised questions about the basis of President Bush's Iraq policy. 'This is entirely different that what I was doing in the 1970s,' he said at the time."

He's probably right there, Last time I looked Valerie Plame was still alive and well.

Today In The Star Tribune:

Least Appealing Headline Contest!

"Experience 1850s winter farm life at Kelley site"

"State's peat bogs 'wild card' in global warming"

"Two warhorses rise from the dead" [ also known as the anti-'get-out-the-youth-vote' piece]

But no, I've gotta give the prize to this one:

"Newborn Beaten- a 22-year old man was sentenced to 5 1/2 years in prison for assualting his girlfriend's premature infant."

Sick.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Morning After

Ooohhh. What a head.

The excitement, The tension. The balloons, the spontaneous demonstrations...

Wait. That was only a primary.

It's gonna be along year.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Suddenly I Don't Feel LIke A Slacker Any More

The last post on Hillary Clinton's campaign blog dates from Sunday, January 6th.

Today is the 8th, and the New Hampshire Primary.

A word of advice, Hil-bloggers: they like it better if you blog often.

No Action Yet On Newark

TRENTON, N.J. (AP) - New Jersey became the first Northern state to apologize for slavery, as legislators approved a resolution Monday expressing "profound regret" for the state's role in the practice.
The Assembly and the Senate 29-2 both voted overwhelmingly to approve the resolution, which expresses the Legislature's opinion without requiring action by the governor.
"This resolution does nothing more than say New Jersey is sorry about its shameful past," said Assemblyman William Payne, a Democrat who sponsored the measure.
The resolution offers an apology "for the wrongs inflicted by slavery and its aftereffects in the United States of America."

Saturday, January 05, 2008

Dear Miss Manners:

"Clinton Slams Iowa; Praises New Hampshire's "Independence" [h/t Drudge]

Dear Miss Manners,

I've been thinking about writing to you for a while. I'm afraid I can't put it off any longer.

I have this friend who just- just- well, she just doesn't seem to get it.

For example, a couple of nights ago she was at this big party. There were a lot of available partners there, you know? And she, well, she wasn't exactly the belle of the ball.

[sigh]

Well,the upshot of it all was, not only did she not send a thank-you note, but she's been badmouthing the host ever since.

"Iowa does not have the best track record in determining who the parties nominate. Everybody knows that," she told reporters after a brief photo-op at a cafe here."

Ouch.

Then it got worse.

Like a lot of parties this one was held at night. But believe it or not she even found a way to insult that. The very next place she went she announced:

"This is a new day. This is a new state. This is a primary election where, you know, you're not disenfranchised if you work at night. You know, you actually can come out and vote...So this is going to be a much more representative electorate, because we've got people who are going to be able to express their opinion in the way that we run elections in America and I welcome that."

Canyou believe that? I tried to tell her word will get around and sooner or later she'll find herself nowhere near anyone's A-list, but she just wouldn't listen.

She's going to another big party next week. I'm scared to death she'll really make a fool of herself this time. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Mortified in Minnesota

Friday, January 04, 2008

Look on tthe Bright Side, Mrs. C....

It could have been worse. You could have come in fourth.

You've already broken in your winter underwear! It'll be more comfy in New Hampshire.

Um... let's see... bright side...
Sorry, DIH is out.
Maybe a little advice is in order.

Remember that "eyes-slowly-downcast, I-have-feelings-too" look you used to do whenever interviewers asked about the whole Lewinsky thing? Now's the time to brush that maneuver off. It could work this time!

"It's [sniff] because I'm a girl" didn't work so great. Maybe you should try "It's because [sniff] I'm not black."

Maybe you should coach Chelsea on how to talk to kids. I heard Obama ran away with the youth vote. Your daughter's still young, maybe she could win them over. Of course her first job landed her what, $300,00 a year? Try sending her to a McDonald's or something. You know, the kind of job you get if you're a young person living in the real world and your daddy wasn't president of the United States.
[This is where you say "I can't make my daughter do anything- she's completely a independent young woman!" But that would make this where we all burst out laughing, so take my advice and shhh.]

Oh, heck, Hil. Maybe you should just stop talking for a while. It seems that's not doing you any favors, either.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Mormon/Evangelical Smackdown!

Hello, Iowans! Before you go to caucus and give reporters something to write about until the real primary in New Hampshire, here are a few things to ponder.

MORMONS: Hawaiian Punch.
EVANGELICALS: iced tea.

MORMONS: sacred underwear.
EVANGELICALS: profane underwear.

So far the Evangelicals are ahead.

MORMONS: no alcohol
EVANGLEICALS: no alcohol, usually.
Hm. Dead heat there.

MORMONS: Black pants, black shirts, matching bicycle helmets.
EVANGELICALS: golf clothes.
This one's up for grabs, too. Evangelicals go for preppy, Mormon missionary kids are so straight they're punk. Which makes them both stuck in the 80's.

MORMONS: Tabernacle Choir.
EVANGELICALS: Amy Grant.
I gotta give this one to the Evangelicals. Amy Grant at least did a duet with Junior Asparagus. And the Motabs' rendition of Handel's "Messiah" has got to be the dullest on record. Sorry but in DIH's book that's a big minus.

MORMONS: the Osmonds.
EVANGELICALS: the Boones.
Another dead heat.

MORMONS: the kid from "Napoleon Dynamite."
EVANGELICALS: um... no, this one just plain goes to the Mormons. I mean, come on. "I bought you a delicious bass." How can you beat that?

So there you have it, America. Focus on what's really important: It's either Hawaiian Punch and Napoleon Dynamite or iced tea and Pat Boone.
Choose wisely.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

January 1st

The First of January is a big day for everyone, even if you're Chinese and have a totally different New Year, or a Jehovah's Witness and don't believe in celebrating anything. You still have to get a new calendar. You still have to change the way you write your checks. And you probably still can't help peeking at pictures of fireworks over those weird towers in Indonesia.

When DIH was a tiny thing January First was still known as The Feast of the Circumcision. Eight days after Christmas, right? Time to-- well, you know. I understand if you'd rather I didn't go into it.

Nowadays the Catholic Church celebrates the first of January as the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.

And let me just say this: I LOVE THE VIRGIN MARY.

I love the way she had the guts to say "Sure, I'll have the baby" even though, unmarried as she was, it meant she was risking being stoned to death. (Talk about a high-risk pregnancy.) I love the way she showed her Son what real love is- the kind that's inconvenient and worse- when she jump-started his ministry at the Wedding Feast at Cana. And I love the way she's always showing up here on earth to remind us of what's important. I mean, come on, she probably takes on the jobs the angels turn their noses up at. If they have noses.

Without Mary there's no Christ, no Church, no hope. You gotta love a girl like that.

Happy feast day, Mary. You rock.