Friday, October 10, 2008

ACORN Season

The MSM have finally started paying attention to ACORN and Barack Obama's involvement with that wild and crazy crew.

And why shouldn't they be wild and crazy? They're a bunch of lawless nuts. Just ask the five hundred squirrels living in my attic.

"It's not everyone who should take up the art of the acorn," their leader told me the other day. "You have to be wily. You have to be totally focussed- greedy, basically. And you gotta be able to dodge the bullets."

"You're good at that," I observed.

"You're damn right I am. How many rocks you thrown at me this week? And did you ever once come close to a hit?"

"Not once," I admitted.

"Partly that's because your aim is lousy. But also I'm fast. You'd have to throw your next rock ten minutes before I showed up to make a hit. They don't call me the Scamper Master for nothing."

"I thought they called you 'Scam.'"

"That's just a nickname."


"But seriously, acorns are not for the faint of heart. You gotta get out there and pick up the goodies. Sure, Mother Nature promises they'll just fall from the trees. The Lord will provide, yadda yadda. And that's fine, if you're the naive type. But I learned a long time ago if you want the really choice nuts you gotta go out there and grab them. Rip 'em off the trees. Get high and go wild, that's my motto."

"Sounds familiar."

"People have the wrong idea about how we gather acorns. I saw some of that cartoon you were watching on the internet the other day, and--"

"Oh- uh, that was a nature show."

"Right. With Bullwinkle the Moose. Anyway you humans seem to have the idea that we squirrels all get together in one big happy family and gather nuts for all to share during the long winter months. La la la, we share and share, we're cute and furry and we're all about love. Bull. Look, basically this is the deal with acorns. Two words: get yours. Get yours, stash 'em away in your private account, and screw the other guy."

"That sounds familiar too," I said.

"Of course you don't want to broadcast any of that. You gotta keep the suckers- uh, community thinking you're all about them. Climbing up those oak trees, hanging on by your sharp little nails to grab all the nuts you can- you're doing it all for the common good."


"You see that guy Obama, you tell him I could use a man like him. I'm always on the lookout for talent."

1 comment:

HEATHER said...