"Offer it up."
[Shut up. already.]
"Jesus loves everyone, dear."
[But I agree, Obama is something of a jerk.]
"Thank your guardian angel."
[For God's sake, how many times do I have to tell you to look both ways before you cross??!!]
"There are children starving in India."
[OK, OK, so it's a lousy recipe- excuuuuse me for trying!]
"People have different ways of honoring God and His creation."
[No, we are not going to get a recycling bin. Recycling is for suckers.]
"God wants us to be good stewards of our money."
[Wait-- if we just order the recycling bin, we get the seven bucks off our taxes every month, right? I mean, there's nothing in the regulations that says we actually have to use the thing, right?]
"Be as innocent as doves and as wise as serpents."
[Order the bin! Order the bin!]
"What was the sermon about this morning, sweetie?"
[You neither, huh.]