In Which Desperate Irish Housewife Continues Today's Literature Seminar
Read the James Frey excerpt (below), if you haven't already. Then read this.
"There once lived a Wolf and he had a brother who looked just like him. He had gray and black fur he had very sharp teeth and claws. He had a long tongue, his eyebrows were big and his eyeballs were always slanted. He looked VERY scary and his brother looked just like him. All the other wolves were very scared of them! Their names were Sharp Teeth and Claw Face!
One day they went out hunting for food..."
Pardon me for pointing out the obvious. But the above passage is so much better than Frey's. For good reason: you want to know what happens next, the character descriptions are powerful and vivid, and the wolves have names. So you know who you're reading about.
The story of Sharp Teeth and Claw Face was written by Miss Sophia Vigilante, who is seven years old and is in second grade.
Since I know the suspense is kiling you. here's the rest of the story. Enjoy-
"They wanted to find a nice juicy sheep and eat it. But what about the shepherd? How could they get a sheep when the shepherd was guarding them? They thought and thought. Then Claw Face got an idea. "Sharp Teeth you distract the shepherd. I will get the juiciest sheep I can find OK." Then they put their plan into action.
" When they got tot he place, Sharp Teeth ran in front of the shepherd. While he was distracting the shepherd Claw Face snuck and tried to find the juiciest sheep then finally he found the perfect one.
"He cut it and killed it. Then, he gave a signal to Sharp Teeth, and both left and had a nice juicy sheep for dinner.
The End."
Maybe I should send it on to Random House. Hey, ten percent of $1.5 mil is a lot of money, right?
"There once lived a Wolf and he had a brother who looked just like him. He had gray and black fur he had very sharp teeth and claws. He had a long tongue, his eyebrows were big and his eyeballs were always slanted. He looked VERY scary and his brother looked just like him. All the other wolves were very scared of them! Their names were Sharp Teeth and Claw Face!
One day they went out hunting for food..."
Pardon me for pointing out the obvious. But the above passage is so much better than Frey's. For good reason: you want to know what happens next, the character descriptions are powerful and vivid, and the wolves have names. So you know who you're reading about.
The story of Sharp Teeth and Claw Face was written by Miss Sophia Vigilante, who is seven years old and is in second grade.
Since I know the suspense is kiling you. here's the rest of the story. Enjoy-
"They wanted to find a nice juicy sheep and eat it. But what about the shepherd? How could they get a sheep when the shepherd was guarding them? They thought and thought. Then Claw Face got an idea. "Sharp Teeth you distract the shepherd. I will get the juiciest sheep I can find OK." Then they put their plan into action.
" When they got tot he place, Sharp Teeth ran in front of the shepherd. While he was distracting the shepherd Claw Face snuck and tried to find the juiciest sheep then finally he found the perfect one.
"He cut it and killed it. Then, he gave a signal to Sharp Teeth, and both left and had a nice juicy sheep for dinner.
The End."
Maybe I should send it on to Random House. Hey, ten percent of $1.5 mil is a lot of money, right?
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