It could have been worse. You could have come in fourth.
You've already broken in your winter underwear! It'll be more comfy in New Hampshire.
Um... let's see... bright side...
Sorry, DIH is out.
Maybe a little advice is in order.
Remember that "eyes-slowly-downcast, I-have-feelings-too" look you used to do whenever interviewers asked about the whole Lewinsky thing? Now's the time to brush that maneuver off. It could work this time!
"It's [sniff] because I'm a girl" didn't work so great. Maybe you should try "It's because [sniff] I'm not black."
Maybe you should coach Chelsea on how to talk to kids. I heard Obama ran away with the youth vote. Your daughter's still young, maybe she could win them over. Of course her first job landed her what, $300,00 a year? Try sending her to a McDonald's or something. You know, the kind of job you get if you're a young person living in the real world and your daddy wasn't president of the United States.
[This is where you say "I can't make my daughter do anything- she's completely a independent young woman!" But that would make this where we all burst out laughing, so take my advice and shhh.]
Oh, heck, Hil. Maybe you should just stop talking for a while. It seems that's not doing you any favors, either.