Friday, November 30, 2007

Henry Hyde

Congressman Henry Hyde of Illinois died yesterday at the age of 83.

I can't say enough about what Congressman Hyde did for the cause of protecting babies. He led the fight against abortion on demand for more than thirty years. But I thought you'd be interested in the AP's description of his work:

" [Hyde] made a name for himself attaching an amendment to a spending bill banning the use of federal funds to carry out abortions. What came to be known as the 'Hyde Ammendment' has since become a fixture in the annual debate over federeal spending and has served as an important marker for abortion foes seeking to discourage women from terminating pregnancies. Hyde was also a leader in passing the ban on so-called partial birth abortions, the first federal restriction on a specific abortion procedure."

Oh yeah. He "made a name for himself" all right. He guaranteed a lifetime of disparagement and ridicule from the mainstream media. He made sure he'd never be invited to the "right" parties or the "right" Hollywood fundraisers. And as for helping out those [evil music in background] "abortion foes" who are all out there [music swells] "seeking to DISCOURAGE WOMEN!! from [replace evil music with spa-style melancholy flutey crap] terminating pregnancies"-- well, we all know what kind of people the press means by that.

Me. You. Us.

Henry Hyde also led the fight against "so-called partial birth abortions." When, oh when will the press come up with another term for sticking a needle in a newborn's skull? I mean, come on, it must be annoying to have to refer to the "so-called' anything. Like the "so-called" twenty firts century, or the "so-called" planet earth.

Rest in peace, Congressman. You fought the good fight. Please pray that rest of us find the courage to follow in your footsteps.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Usual Suspects

I found this picture of The Usual Suspects in my files. They're wearing Tee shirts I bought them at the FBI last summer. (My kid is the last on the right.)
The fine print on the shirts reads "Federal Witness Protection Program."

Happy Talk

A group calling itself Mental Health America has issued a report on depression in the 50 states. Its findings and DIH's analysis follow.

a. The most depressed state in the country is Utah.
b. There are no martinis in Utah.

a. The second most depressed is West Virginia.
b. DIH has lived in West Virginia. Depression is the only reasonable response.

a. The least depressed, happiest state in the Union is South Dakota.
b. Almost no one lives there.

a. New Jersey ranks as third-happiest.
b. You ever been to Jersey? They wouldn't know depression if it were biting them on the a--, and it usually is.

a. The second-happiest state is Hawaii.
b. Surf's up!

a. Minnesota is sixth-happiest.
b. Passive aggressives usually are happy folks. They get to piss everyone off and then act all innocent about it. What's not to enjoy?

a. Louisiana is seventh.
b. Laissez les bon temps rouler, cher!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

For That Special Felon On Your List

The perfect gift!

"Artist Lynn Fellman has a different sort of self-portrait on her wall. It features a curiously repetitive sequence of the letters A, T, C and G, a map of several continents and the stylized visage of an African woman. The woman whom she calls Eve is at the root of Fellman's DNA code."

Ms. Fellman, a commercial artist, will paint a picture of your DNA code for $765 ( $650 for the portrait plus $115 for the saliva analysis. Unless you got yours courtesy of the state, I would imagine). "For clients who want their actual likeness included, the cost is $1,800.'

Today's Star Tribune features several of Ms. Fellmans' works, DNA-inspired portraits of a person's "deep ancestry" journey. I'm no art critic, but for some reason they all seem to look like something out of "Lilo and Stich." Seriously.

But I have to say the colors are pretty, and if you want a conversation starter, well. A whole new kind of megalomania awaits you. Ms.Fellmans' studio can be found online at

In addition to her paintings she also features a line of DNA-inspired scarves and neckties.

In other news the New York Times reports that the Kyrgyz prime minister has resigned, after parliament refused to meet his demand for more vowels.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Climate Envy

This morning it was five degrees. Snow tonight, they say. Winter is back in Minnesota.

This afternoon I was in Barnes and Noble, buying some magazines. The pretty young thing at the checkout read the titles. "Creative Screenwriting, Writer's Digest...oh, are you a writer?"

"Uh huh."

"I just graduated with a degree in journalism. I'm taking a job in Hawaii next month!"

"Shut up," I congratulated her.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Refresh My Memory....

...when did Hillary's staff start planting questions "from the audience"?

Because last night, despite the lateness of the hour, DIH was thinking.

Hillary's writers write a question. They give it to a young woman, who recites it in front of the cameras.

Hello, Hollywood? Are you listening? Her WRITERS. WROTE. a LINE. Which was read. WITH CAMERAS RUNNING.

Forgive me for pointing this out but it doesn't really sound like the former First Lady supports the Wrtiers' Strike now, does it? Or am I the only one thinking "scab"?

You might want to think about this.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Costco Rules!

Today's New York Times has a piece on how the "elite" of Washington (read "rich Democrats") have turned away from the toney caterers that ruled the roost for decades in our nation's capital, and have turned to Costco, the store where you can be a cheapskate and a glutton at the same time. And you thought Nirvana was unattainable.

Susan Lacz is the chief exectuive of Ridgewell's. Ridgewells' is DC's biggest caterer, known for its high prices and garish purple delivery trucks. Ms. Lacz is appalled at the current trend. “My gosh, it drives me crazy,” she said. “Some of the people I hear are going to Costco, I think, ‘Oh, you must be kidding me.’”

You wanna hear cheap? Check this out:

"The ultimate awkwardness, [Ms. Lacz] said, is when clients want to buy their food from Costco but disguise it: “They’ll say: ‘Why don’t you bring the fancy glassware, and we’ll get the rest from Costco. And could you put it on one of your fancy plates? Oh, and how about some of your fancy ice cream on top?’”

"Ms. Lacz said she was “not going to name names,” but that one of her best clients, a high-end retail store, told her, “We’re going to go to Costco and buy a bunch of stuff, and we want you guys to serve it.”

"To which she replied: “No, you’re not.”

How much you want to bet the people in question were Democrats? The truth is they're a cheap bunch when you get right down to it.

A couple of months ago DIH was in the local Kowalski's, an overpriced grocery store here in Minneapolis, known for its pleasant interior and little teeny tiny cups of free coffee. So I'm on the checkout line and who's in front of me? That's right, Walter Mondale. He pays for his stuff and then almost leaves without his check card. I said, "Hey Walter, you paying for my stuff too?"

You know what he says? "My goodness, no!"

I'm telling you. They're cheap bastards.

For the record DIH wants to say she was practically a charter member of the Arlington Costco, and she is proud to say it. That's right, like many another conservative DIH was out there, paving the way for a change in society long before your Sally Quinns or your Vernon Jordans would shop in the warehouse and admit it.

They're slow learners but at least they finally caught up.

Friday, November 23, 2007

...and Now, The Final Word:

Leaving home of friends who had us over for Thanksgiving dinner.

Tall blonde Midwestern hostess hands me two containers. One is empty.

TBMH: Here's your Servin' Saver. I kept the rest of that cranberry sauce. It was delicious.

The second container is full of a different cranberry sauce DIH thoughfully provided.

DIH: Don't you want to keep the rest of this?

TBMH: Oh, nobody liked that one.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Cranberry Thoughts

Cranberry sauce brings out the worst in people.

Oh yes, it does. You thought it was stuffing that did it, didn't you? Well, you're wrong. There's nothing like a cranberry sauce feud to get a family Thanksgiving off to a rollicking start.

You start out with you little nuclear family. You're a kid. The stuff comes out of a can, and you love it.

Then you start acquiring in-laws. And all of a sudden people want to "talk" about the cranberry sauce. As in, "We have to have a talk about the cranberry sauce." And everyone knows those "talks" only lead to grief.

Then your siblings start acquiring in-laws, too. And it might be that your nuclear family learned from the first in-law experience, and is thinking,"Maybe we should humor this group."

And now, of course, you're screwed.

Because in-law Batch #2, it turns out, consider themselves cranberry conossieurs. They would never dream of consuming canned stuff. Oh no. They get "creative" with cranberry sauce. They create cranberry "relishes" and "compotes." They add brandy and walnuts and God knows what. I was once threatened with pineapple. Seriously.

All this is why DIH is bringing the cranberry sauce to tomorrow's festivities- well, that and the cheesecake. And if the folks who invited us don't like it, well, fine, they can talk about us after we've gone home.

Go ahead, call me a control freak. There are some things it just isn't worth taking chances with.

The Day Before

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. DIH is thankful that she's not making dinner.

I am, however, supposed to make a cheesecake, to take to the people who are making dinner. DIH makes a killer cheesecake. This is not bragging. This is simple fact.

Not, of course, that everyone appreciates cheesecake. The million children who will also be in attendance at dinner tomorow will probably be happier with an ice pop and a bag of Mr. Chips. Let them, the little savages.

Despite the fact that I am not hosting a Thanksgiving dinner I did buy a turkey earlier this week. I suppose I should roast it. The alternative is letting it sit in the fridge taking up space until its expiration date is a distant memory. Maybe I'll cook it this weekend, then break it down for a year's worth of turkey curry. It's always good to have something in the freezer.

Especially now that the holiday season is underway. You know how it is- you go to work, you pick up the kid, you drive her to her piano lesson or whatever, while she's there you make a dash to the supermarket or the Best Buy or whatever, or you tear over to the lot to pick out your Christmas tree while it's still light enough to see the ones that don't have squirrels' nests in them. And then what happens? Dinnertime, and there's no food. So you order a pizza.

Do this a few times a week. Watch the scales tip. Hate self by New Year's.

No, this year's gonna be different. This year DIH will have a freezer full of turkey curry and lentil soup. No last-minute pizzas this time around, boy. I don't want five more pounds for Christmas.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Things You Never Want to Hear..

...while a contractor is working on your second floor windows:

[to his assistant] "Well, when you get Mickey Mouse and Goofy to work on your house, what do you expect?"

I just heard that. Just now.

And now a lot of banging.

Lord, the party never stops around here....

Will Wonders Never Cease?

"Study Links Drop in Test Scores to a Decline in Time Spent Reading" [NYT, today, headline]

"Americans — particularly young Americans — appear to be reading less for fun, and as that happens, their reading test scores are declining. At the same time, performance in other academic disciplines like math and science is dipping for students whose access to books is limited, and employers are rating workers deficient in basic writing skills."

FInd The Fun Phrase contest:

Well, DIH already found it. It's that "students whose access to books is limited." DIH can smell a demand for more federal funding a mile away. But presumably there are plenty of kids whose "access to books" is not limited who aren't reading, either.

Oops- that could be misconstrued. That could mean the teachers' union is screwing up on the instruction and encouragement front...

Forget I said anything.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

No, That Would Be Mao

"JIANMIN VILLAGE, China — Last year, Chinese officials celebrated the completion of the Three Gorges Dam by releasing a list of 10 world records. As in: The Three Gorges is the world’s biggest dam, biggest power plant and biggest consumer of dirt, stone, concrete and steel. Ever. Even the project’s official tally of 1.13 million displaced people made the list as record No. 10. Today, the Communist Party is hoping the dam does not become China’s biggest folly." [NYT 11-18)

"Biggest folly"? Like, persecuting anyone who wore eyeglasses or taught school or played the violin in the 1960s, because they were, you know, "intellectuals"?

"In recent weeks, Chinese officials have admitted that the dam was spawning environmental problems like water pollution and landslides that could become severe. Equally startling, officials want to begin a new relocation program that would be bigger than the first."

But smaller than the "relocation program" formerly known as the "Cultural Revolution," right?

"The rising controversy makes it easy to overlook what could have been listed as world record No. 11: The Three Gorges Dam is the world’s biggest man-made producer of electricity from renewable energy. Hydropower, in fact, is the centerpiece of one of China’s most praised green initiatives, a plan to rapidly expand renewable energy by 2020."

You gotta love those green initiatives. In fact, you gotta praise 'em. They make up for a thousand slave labor camps , don't they?

"The Three Gorges Dam, then, lies at the uncomfortable center of China’s energy conundrum: The nation’s roaring economy is addicted to dirty, coal-fired power plants that pollute the air and belch greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global warming."

OMG!! You mean it's NOT the United States that's causing global warming? Hey- does this mean those Kyoto folks had their head up their heinies when they excluded China from restrictions- you know, the ones we would have had to follow? Nah, that can't be right. The Kyoto accords were a good thing, do you hear? Good, good, GOOD THING!

"Dams are much cleaner producers of electricity, but they have displaced millions of people in China and carved a stark environmental legacy on the landscape."

Hey, it's not so bad, is it? I mean, it's not like Mao's come back to life and ordered the destruciton of the landscape himself again, right? This time it was the environmentalists! And they're the good guys! So this wave of destruction is A-OK in their book!


Why The Hollywood Writers' Strike Is A Good Thing

"The Hollywood writers strike has claimed its highest-profile movie to date: Columbia Pictures late today announced that with the strike nearing its third week, it is postponing production of "Angels & Demons," the prequel to blockbuster "The Da Vinci Code."

"The decision comes as the Writers Guild of America continues to picket outside Hollywood studios and networks in a labor impasse that shows no signs of being resolved soon.

"In late October, as the strike deadline approached, Oscar-winning writer-producer Akiva Goldsman was hurrying to complete the latest draft of "Angels & Demons." He told The Times: "It's pencil down until midnight on Halloween," adding, "It's unavoidably intensely stressful, but it's the way of the world right now."

"Today, Columbia released a statement that called the screenplay "very strong" but added: "we do not believe it is the fully-realized production draft required of this ambitious project." Filming was to have begun in February." [LA Times, November 18)

If only they'd struck sooner....

The Jump on the Season

DIH is getting the jump on the Christmas season.

[Understand that when I say "the Christmas season" I also mean Hanukkah. But not Kwanzaa. Don't waste my time with Kwanzaa.]

I have hauled decorations out of the attic, sized up the ornament situation. Haven't sized up the lights situation yet. That takes a lot more fortitude than ornaments.

The reason for this, of course, is the amygdala.

At least I think I mean the amygdala. A therapist friend once told me there's a part of your brain that stores emotional reactions from childhood, or something like that. I think it's the amygdala. Anyway mine is chock full of memories of my father trying to deal with Christmas lights. It's not a pretty picture. You know that "fight or flight" impluse we're all supposed to have? Mine is permanently set at "flight" where Christmas lights are concerned.

My amygdala aside, I have also reviewed the Christmas music situation. The music situation looks good. I have tons of Christmas music. More than any decent person should have, really. I mean, come on, Connie Francis? And do I really need two renditions of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer"? I should probably clear some of that stuff out.

As we all know, getting ready for the holidays early is a sign of virtue and wisdom. So you get your work started and you feel pretty virtuous and wise.

And then some jerk comes along as says "It isn't the Christmas season yet. It's the Advent season." WIth a little sniff or something.
And then you can just kiss your virtue goodbye, because there's no other way to deal with such people except with a very direct response. "Bite me" is a good one. Gets the point across, unless they're unusually dense.

I used to be one of those people who was horrified by the sight of Christmas things in the stores before Thanksgiving. Then I grew up and became the person in charge of all the Christmas stuff for my family- decorating, cards, travel, shopping, etc. Now I see Christmas gear in the stores early and I think "oh thank God, I've got to find a neon palm tree right away" and I get down to business.

And anybody who thinks that is out of step with the calendar of the Church season, I have two responses for you:

1. You're right. Advent comes first. Advent is crucial if we are to be truly ready for Jesus's birth. No Promised Land without wandering in the desert for forty years and all that.

2. I have ten years' worth of work to do in four weeks. Bite me.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

This Is Still Unbelievable

"A court in the ultra-conservative kingdom of Saudi Arabia is punishing a female victim of gang rape with 200 lashes and six months in jail, a newspaper reported on Thursday.
The 19-year-old woman -- whose six armed attackers have been sentenced to jail terms -- was initially ordered to undergo 90 lashes for "being in the car of an unrelated male at the time of the rape," the Arab News reported.

But in a new verdict issued after Saudi Arabia's Higher Judicial Council ordered a retrial, the court in the eastern town of Al-Qatif more than doubled the number of lashes to 200.

A court source told the English-language Arab News that the judges had decided to punish the woman further for "her attempt to aggravate and influence the judiciary through the media." [AFP]

90 lashes for being in the car with her rapist. What's the penalty for being pinned to the ground under the rapist? She probably violated the dress code while being raped, too, wouldn't you think?

Wait, it gets worse. The rapists were Sunni Muslims, who run the show in Saudi. The victim was a Shiite. So I bet they can come up with some "violation of her class place" charge if they think about it hard enough.

In other news our good friend Steve is in Kuwait as I blog, waiting to catch up with the soldiers he'll be embedded with. Please pray for Steve's saftey!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Some Good News

Nuns facing eviction get help

An Episcopal order has agreed to take in the three women whose convent is being sold.
By Rebecca Trounson, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
November 15, 2007
Three Roman Catholic nuns who learned last summer that their Santa Barbara convent would be sold to help cover the costs of Los Angeles' multimillion-dollar abuse payout have been offered a temporary home by an order of Episcopal nuns in the same city.

The three Sisters of Bethany will move around Thanksgiving to St. Mary's Retreat House, an Episcopal center near the Santa Barbara Mission, according to the nuns' spokesman and to a relative of one of the nuns. The center is a ministry of the Sisterhood of the Holy Nativity, an order based in Wisconsin.

The offer is temporary, but open-ended.

"They've been told they are welcome to stay as long as need be," said Rosemary Escalera Gutierrez of Hacienda Heights whose sister is the Catholic nuns' local superior, Sister Angela Escalera. Gutierrez said her sister and the others were grateful for the offer and relieved to find a place to live, even on an interim basis.

Escalera, 69, and two other nuns at the Sisters of Bethany house in Santa Barbara received notice in late August that their small convent, which is owned by the Los Angeles Archdiocese, would be sold to help pay for the church's $660-million clergy abuse settlement. The women were told they had until Dec. 31 to move out.


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Quote of the Day

"The reason for all the fuss was a 20-year-old actress named Harriet Andersson, or, more likely, the discreet glimpses of her naked breasts and the charmingly broad expanse of her unclothed rear."
(New York Times, review of Ingmar Bergman's "Monika"(1952), re-released this year.)

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Temps to hit 60 today in Mini-Apple. DIH is psyched. Take that, ice-fishers!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Fun and Games With The New York Times

DIH hates to ask such a tedious question on a Monday morning, but did anyone read the New York Times yesterday?
If you're not snoring already you will be when you see the headline:

"Broken Supply Channel Sent Arms for Iraq Astray."

whah? Huh? oh yeah, I was blogging.

The article was on the front page, it was loooong and dull, about an Iraqi businessman named Kassim al-Safar. Mr. Safar is suspected of selling arms intended for Iraqi forces to anyone who would pay.

OK, now for the fun part! It's time to play Find the Most Fun Phrase!

And the nominees are:

"co-workers say he also turned the armory into his own private arms bazaar"

" with the seeming approval of some American officials and executives."

"his dealings were murky" ['murky.' Love that word. Wish I could have used it more often, back in college, say. Saves an awful lot of study time.]

"Nearly a half-dozen American and Iraqi workers say his gun business was an open secret" [DIH has to ask here: how many is "nearly half a dozen"?]

"Already there is evidence that some American-supplied weapons fell into the hands of guerrillas" ['there is some evidence' is another good one. Man, where were theses guys when I was writing my term papers?]

All of the above is just the windup. The good stuff doesn't come in until midway through the article.

And heeeeeere's the pitch:

"Many of those weapons were issued when Gen. David H. Petraeus, now the top American commander in Iraq, was responsible for training and equipping Iraqi security forces in 2004 and 2005."

Ah-HA!!! So when some Iraqi may or may not have been stealing stuff ( his dealings were "murky," after all- note to self: check criminal code for penalty for "murkiness"), Genreal Petraeus was in charge of the entire Iraqi security force! That makes him a corrupt official, doesn't it?!! GOTCHA, BETRAY-US!!!

Or at least that's the charge we can expect from the Times--eventually. The whole "Petraeus is a lousy commander" line is clearly as bust,so they're going to try for "Petraeus is corrupt." That could take a little buildup. Better to start on that one right away- it's only , what, seven weeks to the Iowa Cacus? Oops, make that "more than half a dozen."

My personal favorite part: if you go to the Times Archives to find the article you also get "Related Ads:"
» Iraq War
» Vietnam War Documentary
» Vietnam DVD
» Vietnam History
» Vietnam Lessons

Yeah, the Times likes to keep things orderly.

DIH has a suggestion: Let's start a pool. How long before the Times puts that in the lead paragraph? Before the Iowa Caucus? After? The books are open, everybody.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Say 'No' To Nyquil

HI. I'm Desperate.
[Hi, Desperate!]

Hi, um, I --well, there's no easy way to say it. I took some Nyquil.

Yeah, And it's worse, I - I took it at four o'clock this morning.
[Gasps. Murmurs of 'intervention...']

No, no, I'm okay now. Almost. I'm on my fourth cup of Joe--

[You're just changing your drug of choice,, you know....]

I had to. I needed the antidote. I'm switching to Diet Coke after this one, I promise. At least I won't be adding sugar, right?
[understanding laughter]

Anyway, you all know the story but I guess I should tell it anyway. I just couldnt' breathe. Four in the morning and I was gasping for breath, I can't believe my sinuses got so stuffed so fast. I was fine when I went to bed! But I should have known better, I thought that nice relaxed feeling I had last night was a good thing, but...well, obviously, it just meant trouble was coming.

Finally I took the Nyquil, end of story. Nobody held a gun to my head. I just took it. Then I had to get up at 6 to walk the dog. All I can say is I thank my Higher Power there's no such thing as "Walking under the influence" laws in this state. Yet. I was just lucky I could find my way home. But that might have been the dog.

So now trying to put my life back together. Wish me luck.

Thanks for letting me share.

Friday, November 09, 2007

And So It Begins....

Ever have one of those mornings when you look out the window and immediately a horrified shriek bursts forth from your lips?

I just had one. And since I'm in the coffeeshop it was a little embarassing.

Reason for shriek: it's snowing. Big, fat flakes- as pretty as a snow globe. But DIH is not fooled. She knows what this means.

Find some place to store the patio furniture. Lug in the patio furniture. Call home repair guy and plead with him to please, please, please come over and install the window I bought last spring to replace the old one that didnt' shut all the way. Remember that feeling of solid, homeownerly accomplishment you felt yesterday when you finally called the gutter guy? Kiss that feeling goodbye, girlfriend. You're too late. Again.

OK, maybe not yet. It night stop snowing. It looks like it's letting up even now. But it will be back. Soon. And next time it won't be just a teaser, either.

Be afraid, ye warm-blooded mammals of the frozen North. Be very afraid.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

I Feel Like Harry Truman


You can still vote! Until 2pm today!!! (Thanks, bb!!)

Vote, vote, vote for Desperate Irish Housewife!

The Results Are In

DIH extends her heartiest and envious congratulations to Dooce, winner of the Best Diartist title in the 2007 Weblog Awards. I had never seen Dooce's blog before but it's wonderful. Hey Dooce- I hear you're an ex-Mormon. That means this calls for champagne, right?

DIH tied for fifth place, which is not at all bad for her first time out of the gate. Thanks to all who voted for me.

If you go to

you can see all the results, plus links to the other finalists. Good stuff there. Hit the "Return to the 2007 Weblog Award Poll Navigation Page" line to check other results.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

#6 And Holding

That's my current ranking in the "Weblog" Awards.

I guess it beats 7,8,9 and 10. But still.

I've pondered the reasons for my mid-level ranking, and I keep coming back to the same thing: I should read my email more often. Also check comments more seriously.

Last week I got a notice that I was "Blog of the Day." Ha, I sez to myself. Do I look like I was born yesterday? This is obviously some ploy to get me to check out some phony website that will only get me in troulel again. (I haven't forgotten the Great Porno Hijacking of earlier this year. Make that the Not-So-Great-- no, make it The Repulsive P.H.)

So, I didn't check.

Then there's a message in the Comments section. "Good luck in the Weblog Awards!" Yeah, right, I muttered. Like I'm going to fall for that one. Obviously someone's trying to trick me into voting for a friend of theirs. What, I owe them something?

So, I didn't follow up on that one, either.

It wasn't until yesterday morning that I finally logged onto the Awards website. Reason: raw envy. I was cruising the blogosphere and noticed a number of my favorites touting themselves for the Awards. Man, I said to myself, that does it. What do I have to do to become a Famous Blog? What have these guys got that I haven't got, besides technical expertise and tireless reporting and style and wit and all that jazz? I have to know! I want to be Just Like Them!

So, that's when I checked the lists. And to my amazement, THERE I WAS.

When I got done running around the house whooping like a crazed Confederate I realized, "uh-oh... all these other guys have been garnering votes for days. And voting closes tomorrow. I gotta make up for lost time!" Which would not have been lost in the first place if only DIH were not so gloriously lazy.

By last night I was doing some calculations. I could have voted for myself six times by now. That would push the numbers up. And if everyone who voted for the blog in the #1 spot already votes for it again tomorrow, well, you got your geomteric progression there. And it would take a blogosphere physicist to beat something like that.

As to how I did in mere high school physics, let's not even go there.

Well,there's nothing for it but to keep begging- uh, plugging. Please go the the Awards website (linked here yesterday- scroll down and there it will be, just waiting for YOUR fingertip) and vote for DIH in the Best Diarist category. Then go check out the other categories and vote for those guys, too.

[Then add a note in their "Comments" sections telling them to vote for the Best Web Diarist in Upper Midwest. Me, me, ME!]

Okay, I feel better now.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007




Be it known to all present that

DESPERATE IRISH HOUSEWIFE has been named a finalist in the 2007 Weblog Awards!

That's right, little old DIH has been named in the "Best Diarist" category! She's on THE list, baby!

Go there and vote for me, me, ME!! And this is important- voting began last Thursday, and ends, like, tomorrow. The winner will be announced this Thursday. So you have to vote NOW. RIGHT NOW. You can vote once every 24 hours. As of now the guy ahead of me has over 660 votes. I'm next with like, 50. So please vote!

Thank you.

More Striking Thoughts

DIH spent Saturday and Sunday cleaning out her attic.

[wild applause]

Thank you, thank you. It was a dirty job, but somebody had to do it. [someone hums national anthem]

On Monday morning, DIH went to her Pilates class.

[awestruck gasps]

And on Monday evening, she went to her first tae kwon do class in five years.

[SHOCKED gasps]

The result of all this virtuous activity is DIH now has a cramp in her right thigh that requires her to scream every five minutes. So she has decided to work at home today, in order to scream in privacy.

But I have a plan. They're sure to notice I'm missing at the coffee shop sooner or later. I mean, who else hogs the sole electrical outlet for hours at a time? Yep, sooner or later some customer is gonna say, "Hey-- didn't this place used to have a certain literary , um, you know, tone? Or do I mean panache? What do you mean, there's no writer on the premises? Who am I going to consult on my choice of words? Has she gone on strike, too? What are we going to do about this? Meet her demands at once- offer her free java! And I don't mean house blend, I mean triple lattes! Extra shots! Whatever it takes, we've got to get her back! "

Oh yeah. Any minute now, they're gonna cave. I can feel it in my central nervous system.

Monday, November 05, 2007


The Writers Guild of America is now officially on strike. Not one of it 4,000 members will pick up a pen in servicve of television or cinema until the strike is settled.

The talk shows will be the first to go down. You can't have Jon Stewart just winging it up there every night. Soaps will probably be next, after a week or so of pre-taped stuff. Other TV stuff will go on as usual for the rest of the season, they've been filming in advance for a while. Movies won't be much affected either- stockpiled scripts.

All of this has DIH thinking. If the poor oppressed Hollywood writers who get paid in the six figures feel the need to strike, what about us unpaid struggling blogging types? The USBTs? Where's the justice for us? Huh?

"USBT Local #371 in Minneapolis refuses to accept another contract until she is at least offered one!"

"Until justice is served you moguls can keep your paychecks exactly where you've been keeping them all along! Fight the power!"

"Better working conditions! A desk at least, for pete's sake! Maybe even a filing cabinet! Free coffee in the coffeeshop- hey, who do you think has been giving that place a certain literary tone all year? Don't tell me that's not worth something! And where the heck is my Sitemeter? I want my Sitemeter!"

Wait, that last demand might not help the cause to much. Forget the Sitemeter. Just give me a place to plug in my laptop at the coffeeshop and we'll call it a deal.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Almost Heaven But Not Quite

New York Times, Sunday November 4
CHARLESTON, W.Va., Nov. 3 (AP) — At Marshall University, pagan students are now allowed to miss classes to observe religious holidays or festivals.

A new policy makes the university in Huntington, W.Va., with an enrollment of about 14,000, possibly the only college in the country to protect pagans formally from being penalized for missing classes, although many institutions have policies intended to protect students of every faith.

One Marshall student, George Fain, took advantage of the policy on Thursday, missing class in observance of Samhain, a pagan and Wiccan holiday honoring the dead.

“I think we may have opened a door,” Ms. Fain said of the policy. “Now that we know we can be protected, that the government will stand behind us and we feel safe, it’s going to be more prevalent.”

Putting aside the obvious- that for certain parts of West Virginia, paganism is a step up-- let's consider the implications of Marshall's new policy.

Suppose they go whole hog and let pagans have the run of the place. Would it really change things much? There must be a few tree-huggers there already, so hedge worship is covered, and any campus with fraternities already has its share of naked, drunken rites at midnight. And as for concocting sacred potions, somebody's grandaddy's got a still somewhere, so no worries there either.

Okay, so everybody would have to learn how to pronounce "Samhain," and students would learn when the equinox is. They might even learn what "equinox" means, which is grade school earth science stuff but DIH has learned never to expect too much from American education.

I don't know. I just dont' see any problems with this development. Am I missing something?

In other news DIH has decided she must give up the Butterfingers in the evening. When you start dreaming about Chief Justice Roberts driving a big rig, it's time to make a change.