A group calling itself Mental Health America has issued a report on depression in the 50 states. Its findings and DIH's analysis follow.
a. The most depressed state in the country is Utah.
b. There are no martinis in Utah.
a. The second most depressed is West Virginia.
b. DIH has lived in West Virginia. Depression is the only reasonable response.
a. The least depressed, happiest state in the Union is South Dakota.
b. Almost no one lives there.
a. New Jersey ranks as third-happiest.
b. You ever been to Jersey? They wouldn't know depression if it were biting them on the a--, and it usually is.
a. The second-happiest state is Hawaii.
b. Surf's up!
a. Minnesota is sixth-happiest.
b. Passive aggressives usually are happy folks. They get to piss everyone off and then act all innocent about it. What's not to enjoy?
a. Louisiana is seventh.
b. Laissez les bon temps rouler, cher!