A Gem?
Every so often you find a new product that just changes your perspective on things. Like "Lifegem Created Diamonds":
"Love. Life’s single greatest risk. Life’s single greatest reward. Intangible and unexplainable, yet ever so real and powerful. Love captures your heart in a second and holds it for eternity. Whether it happened in an instant or developed over a lifetime, you have known the feeling of pure joy and elation, and it will be forever cherished. Love is more than a memory.
"To desire a LifeGem diamond can mean only one thing. You have experienced a love without equal. You have had someone truly special in your life and mere words simply will not do.
"LifeGem...
"The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life."
That's right! FInally a real use for Aunt Hattie's remains. Now you can take whatever's left of her and- get this- have it turned into a fake diamond.
"What is a LifeGem®?
"The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the
carbon of your loved one...as a memorial to their unique life."
And you can wear that memorial on your finger, in a handsome platinum setting. Or what about earrings? Depends on how big the old gal was, I guess.
Just think how this changes eveything. That was no tragic accident that killed a dozen people-- that was a tennis bracelet! And forget about natural disasters. There are no disasters if you can get some jewelry out of it, right?
But DIH sees problems ahead. Mikey's mom goes to her eternal reward. Mikey has her turned into a diamond ring. Mikey offers this ring to a nice girl with the words "Will you marry me?" Nice girl finds out where the diamond came from. Uh-oh, Mikey. You got some 'splaining to do.
"We're here on the red carpet and--omigod! It's Mrs. Osama Bin Laden! And she's wearing a simple fabulous diamond necklace- oh please. Where did you get it?"
"What, these old things?"
And why stop at Aunt Hattie? For a limited time only you can bid on one of three diamonds made from the carbon remains of Ludwig van Beethoven. Seriously. Wondering what to give that piano teacher you hated so much as a kid? Give her Beethoven on ice.
"Hi, Mom? Listen, I was wondering. When you die how about I have you turned into a five-carat diamonds?"
"No. Two carats for you. The other three go to your sister. And no fighting."
LifeGem. Because nothing is too weird any more.
"Love. Life’s single greatest risk. Life’s single greatest reward. Intangible and unexplainable, yet ever so real and powerful. Love captures your heart in a second and holds it for eternity. Whether it happened in an instant or developed over a lifetime, you have known the feeling of pure joy and elation, and it will be forever cherished. Love is more than a memory.
"To desire a LifeGem diamond can mean only one thing. You have experienced a love without equal. You have had someone truly special in your life and mere words simply will not do.
"LifeGem...
"The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life."
That's right! FInally a real use for Aunt Hattie's remains. Now you can take whatever's left of her and- get this- have it turned into a fake diamond.
"What is a LifeGem®?
"The LifeGem® is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the
carbon of your loved one...as a memorial to their unique life."
And you can wear that memorial on your finger, in a handsome platinum setting. Or what about earrings? Depends on how big the old gal was, I guess.
Just think how this changes eveything. That was no tragic accident that killed a dozen people-- that was a tennis bracelet! And forget about natural disasters. There are no disasters if you can get some jewelry out of it, right?
But DIH sees problems ahead. Mikey's mom goes to her eternal reward. Mikey has her turned into a diamond ring. Mikey offers this ring to a nice girl with the words "Will you marry me?" Nice girl finds out where the diamond came from. Uh-oh, Mikey. You got some 'splaining to do.
"We're here on the red carpet and--omigod! It's Mrs. Osama Bin Laden! And she's wearing a simple fabulous diamond necklace- oh please. Where did you get it?"
"What, these old things?"
And why stop at Aunt Hattie? For a limited time only you can bid on one of three diamonds made from the carbon remains of Ludwig van Beethoven. Seriously. Wondering what to give that piano teacher you hated so much as a kid? Give her Beethoven on ice.
"Hi, Mom? Listen, I was wondering. When you die how about I have you turned into a five-carat diamonds?"
"No. Two carats for you. The other three go to your sister. And no fighting."
LifeGem. Because nothing is too weird any more.
Just you wait. Enterprising people will be hooking up LifeGem with the euthanasia crowd any second now.
ReplyDeleteYou heard, er, read it here first.
-J.
I can't comment with anything even equal to what you've said. I just LOVE the idea of wearing a loved one around my neck. Think how trendy you could be.
ReplyDeleteJust weird is not an apt description.