Sunday, December 24, 2006

A Christmas Story

Well, here it is, Christmas Eve. The stockings are hung, the cookies are baked, the spouse has worn the camel suit (long story). All is ready for the celebration of the birth of the Savior. Gather 'round, readers, and Auntie Desperate will tell you a Christmas story.

I know a lot of you found this blog through Ann Coulter. So I'm going to tell you an Ann story.

Some years ago when I was living in NYC and Ann was far from famous, my husband and I gave an annual Christmas party. Ann always came, always with an entourage (mostly hopeful young men), and being Ann, she was always late.

Our Christmas party was always a big production, at least for DIH. There were always at least sixty or seventy people, and I made all the food myself (except the sacred lasanga- my half-Italian husband always made that), and did all the baking. Gingerbread men, butter cookies, lemon squares, cheesecakes, apricot rum tortes, chocolate layer cakes, almond paste laden pastries, all that good stuff. By the time it was all over DIH was pretty tired, and especially she was sick of being in the kitchen.

One year Ann arrived at the party just about the time everyone else was taking off. This took her by surprise I think- hey, it was only one a.m., where was everybody going? -- but she didn't take it personally. She looked around my empty living room and announced, "Well! Bet the kitchen's a real mess! Come on, Sue, let's go wrap things up!"

And with that, the lovely long-limbed Ms Coulter rolled up her sleeves and cleaned up the kitchen.

A couple of years ago we moved to Minneapolis. Not a lot of like-minded people here. But nice ones nevertheless, and as always we gave our Christmas party in our new home.

Most of our guests were liberal Dems. One of them,our next-door neighbor, was a professional LD. He ran a fundraising business for things like organic food coops and the like. Late in the evening he noticed a photo of Ann on a sidetable. It was one of her Christmas cards- a photo of her and Ronald Reagan, with the legend "Peace through strength on earth" scribbled at the bottom.

"Hmph! Ann Coulter! She's a [common expletive deleted.]!" said the man.

DIH tries not to take umbrage any more often than she must but nobody steps on my Ann, and certainly not in my house. "She's a very nice girl!" I retorted. "She always loved our Christmas party too. One year she even cleaned up the kitchen!"

There was silence in the living room.

Then my next-door neighbor spoke again.

"Well," he said, "I'm not going to be outdone by the likes of Ann Coulter!"

And with that, he cleaned up my kitchen.

Merry Christmas. all. God bless us every one.

8 comments:

chicklette said...

Wonderful story! I just knew that Miss Ann was a well-brought up young lady.
I really don't know how you cope up there with all of the libs. I guess my tongue would stay bloody from biting it all the time.
Great way of getting the kitchen cleaned up too!!!
Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Joke said...

Smashing!

Oh, and merry Christmas to you and all of yours.

-J.

Cathy_of_Alex said...

Desperate: What a great story! Merry Christmas!

Joke said...

Wait.

Is the camel suit a suit made out of camel hair or a suit such that the wearer resembles a bactrian or dromedary?

-J.

Adoro Te Devote said...

Do you think Ann would be willing to send me a card so that I could say she did something for me, thus conning some liberal into, say, painting my livingroom?

Just wondering.

Great story, and what a blessing to have such a dedicated friend.

teachergirl said...

Best story of Christmas!! Hope yours is a merry one!!! (Except for Joke's family fist fighting over grace!)

Joke said...

HEY! It was a fistfight, not a brawl. Only two of the Unusual Suspects were involved.

Defendin' the family honor.

-J.

Ray from MN said...

Great story, Desperate!

As a recidivist Humphrey Democrat and former member in pretty good standing of the DFL, with lots of liberal impulses still present, I give a tip of the hat to your neighbor! If you can get them off by themselves, you'll find many DFLers who would share many issues with you.

Sadly, they are not very outspoken, as I was not outspoken. Pray for them. I was converted. There is hope for them also.

But be prepared to listen to their positions on some issues that are not contrary to the Roman Church but might be contrary to the philosphies of Friedman, Buckley and Reagan and outspoken in favor of some positions espoused by Keynes, Galbreath and Heilbroner.