Friday, August 11, 2006

Free At Last!

In light of the new security measures at our airports. DIH announces she is accepting investors in a company that will make us all rich as oil sheiks.

Why be encumbered by carry-on, anyway. Why be encumbered at all?

Announcing Jaybird Air.

We Americans are sick and tired of security checks we wouldn't need if we did some halfway intelligent profiling anyway. We're tired of having our time wasted with special random security checks for five year old girls travelling with their parents, like the one they pulled on my daughter last Christmas. We are fed up with overweight jerks confiscating the incredibly cool Swiss Army knifes we've had since we were twelve.

And now they want our lipgloss, too? Enough is enough!

Jaybird Air will set the traveller free from all that. JA will set the traveller freer than he or she ever dreamed of being. We will eliminate carry-on of EVERY stripe. You won't even have to carry on the clothes on your back, because they won't be on your back any more. Stroll through the metal detector with complete peace of mind, unless you've got one of those artificial knee things. Sit back in our heated cabins --we'll even provide towels so nobody gets stuck to his seat. Arrive at your destination with the stress-free cool that comes from knowing half the people in the airport will clear out of your way fast when they see who you've travelled with and why.

No more clothes, no more luggage, no more security delays. Just you and friendly skies.

Fly Jaybird.
Nobody checks our fluids.


Jael said...

I can't handle the whole "travel without your handbags, make up, water" etc. This is a great post. I figure they will start doing full body checks naked and then issue us Chinese style clothes to wear on the planes. Maybe they could just hand cuff everyone to their seats and offer decatheters.....I'm not traveling by air anymore.

Anonymous said...

Amusing, but now that they know there's the capability and desire to destroy aircraft with ordinary-looking bottled fluids, aren't you glad they're doing something about it?

Maybe all we can thank terrorism for is the abolishment of carry-on baggage. There's not enough space to stow the allowed 2 small pieces, much less the complete set of matched samsonite most people want to bring onboard.

Quipper said...

Very nice! I think you need to take my test. I'm looking forward to your answers.

Heather said...

Just think--JA will NEVER loose your luggage!!!!!

Georgette said...

Shhhh, don't give 'em any ideas!

Funny post! Great blog, too. Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Sitting next to the smelly, ugly fat guy would be much, much, much worse though. Especially on long international flights.

deelee said...

I fly stand-bye and if I check my bags I will never see them again. So no more flying for me, Delta. Thanks for the buddy passes it was real! Unless you guys like smelly pits and unwashed hair.