Friday, June 02, 2006

A Child's Summer In Minnesota

School let out today, and I am still trying to find a daycamp for my five-year-old.

I had high ideals at first. I thought I could make her summer a rich culturral experience. A language camp, maybe, or a kids' computer camp.

But I've been going through the free "Camp Guides" you can pick up in coffeeshops. and I'm adjusting mys sights somewhat.

Some of the rich offerings available to kids here in the North Star State:

"Fly Fishing and Conservation" camp.
The kiddies practice being predatory tree-huggers.

" Forkhorn" camp.
A forkhorn is a type of deer. (I had to look it up.) They promise to teach the kids how to hunt one down and kill it.

"JJ's Summer Jam"
"Give your kid an adrenaline rush!" I am not making that up. That's actually the ad copy.

"Camp Voyageur"
"A private camp for boys next to the Boundary Waters. We specialize in wilderness canoeing."
Probably because there's nothing but wilderness for a hundred miles.

"Audubon Center of the North Woods"
"Get close to wolves! Handle live birds of prey!"
In New York we call this "the subway."

"Mounds Park Academy"
"Investigate a crime scene. Go camping. Learn Chinese."
Be the first kid on your block to go on a Chinatown stakeout!

"Camp Suds-A-Lot"
"Your child will learn the art of creating fine hand-crafted beer."

OK, I made that last one up.

She's too young for most of the camps in the catalog. She'll probably spend some time at the camp she went to last year, the one affiliated with her pre-school. That one had the flags of the Israeli Army divisions hanging in the rec hall. Maybe this summer they'll do some serious training. Or maybe they'll call in some Mossad scouts...

No comments: