More Kennedy Kiss Kiss

Today's New York Times carries an absolutely priceless piece about poor, poor Patrick Kennedy. Sometimes DIH just has to share.

"WASHINGTON, May 14 — Patrick J. Kennedy was keeping an uncomfortable secret."

[DIH: Just one? You could have fooled us.]

'Representative Kennedy, scion of America's most loved and hated Democratic clan, has been a passionate advocate for ending the stigma of mental illness; he told voters years ago of his treatment for depression and cocaine abuse."

["Cocaine abuse" is also called a felony. If you're a Republican, for example. Or some poor schmuck on the street. If you're a Kennedy it's an "illness."]

"When he crashed his Mustang convertible into a Capitol barricade in the middle of the night earlier this month, Mr. Kennedy, of Rhode Island, was thrust into a clash between personal privacy and political beliefs."

[Personal privacy: "Hey, it's my Mustang, I'll crash it anywhere I want! Try and stop me! Or my dad, or my cousins..."
Political beliefs: See above.]

"He consistently talked about being in the spotlight and not being able to just say, 'I'm struggling, I have issues,' " said Jack McConnell, a good friend who counseled Mr. Kennedy that morning, May 5. "One of the things he weighed was whether doing this would take the weight off his shoulders that he always felt when he was out in public."

[The "weight" that has always translated into a free pass whenever he broke the law has served Patrick well. If anyone believes Patrick wanted that off his shoulders, I repeat: there is a lovely bridge in Brooklyn I'd be happy to sell you.]

"At 38, the youngest child of Senator Edward M. Kennedy, Democrat of Massachusetts, and his first wife, Joan, is a success in his own right. But the skinny kid with the red hair and freckles is a man now..."

[And a fat one at that. Take that, you "skinny kid" name-callers!]

"...and after years of having his foibles turn up in the gossip sheets,"

["Foibles:" reporter-ese for "Kennedy trashes yacht, causes 28K damage," and "Kennedy stiffs elderly widow landlady on rent" (see his 1996 Congressional campaign).
["Gossip sheets:" also called police reports.}

"...he is at a turning point both political and personal."

[The "turning point" being: in this age of internet and eyes everywhere, can he keep up the family tradition of getting away wih murder and still being re-elected? Or does he need a new strategy? Watch for a new bill in Congress demanding a "Kennedy Protection Program."]

""This is a test," said one of his mentors, Senator Jack Reed, Democrat of Rhode Island. "I think he has set a standard for himself of dealing forthrightly."

[Senator Reed? Would you like to buy a bridge?]

[But as even the NYT nas noticed, ]

"That forthrightness only goes so far; while in treatment, Mr. Kennedy declined an interview."

[ Patrick isn't allowed to talk to the press without an army or advisors telling him what to say. Maybe he'll hire a few in rehab. Drug addicts, alcoholics, etc., as any counselor can tell you, are extraordinarily good liars. Patrick should be able to pick up plenty of talent that will serve the family well.]

""I don't think anybody realized until now how serious his problems were," said M. Charles Bakst, a longtime political columnist for The Providence Journal. "Now it all makes sense, and you realize that this kid is on the brink. "

[Wait. I thought the "kid" was a "man " now. Which is it?]

DIH should stop now, but there's one more line she can't resist:

"Like many of his relatives, he is an advocate for the disenfranchised. But as Mr. Bakst said, "He seems to feel it personally."

"Disenfranchised" means you can't vote. Convicted felons, for example, are "disenfranchised." Now I wonder why Patrick's relatives would be an advocate for those guys?

And as for feeling it "personally," in AA they tell you to remember "there but for the grace of God go I." That must be it: "There but for the name go the lot of us."