I have a dear, sweet evangelical Christian pal, and let me tell you that girl is damn lucky she has a Queens Irish Catholic like me for a friend.
She's in town this weekend to promote her new book about fasting. There's a big women's conference at one of the suburban megachurches. Something like a thousand people are expected to attend. In between workshops they're all going to be browsing tables loaded with books, Bibles, little things you hang in windows, whatever. And they've all got cash in their wallets.
Yesterday, the opening day. Tables lining a huge room. About a third of the vendors had chairs. My friend didn't have one.
"Oh well," my sweet friend sighs.
"Uh-uh," says I.
I get up and hunt down someone with a nametag.
Me: We need some chairs over here..
Sweet grey-haired evangelical lady: Oh, many of our ladies dont' have chairs. (starts walking away)
Me (grabbing sweet evangelical lady's sleeve): My friend is trying to sell a book about fasting. Where's she gonna hide her lunch if she can't sit down?
Sweet evangelical lady (blinking); I'll, um, I'll see what I can do...
In five minutes we got chairs.
Nex session. Three women are chatting with my friend about her book.
Lady #1: I loved your talk.
Lady #2: Your book looks so interesting.
Lady #3: But maybe we should come back tomorrow.
Evangelical friend (with a smile): Oh, way to go! Avoid that impulse shopping!
Me (smacking my friend hard in upper arm): But there's a special offer on the books tonight. Two for twenty dollars.
More books sold.
Honestly, I don't know what people would do without me.